Wouldn’t it be wonderful if relationships were easy and you always knew where you stood and life therefore was wonderful and effortless?
But of course we know that’s not the reality, and relationships can be downright confusing!
I don’t know of any relationship that is perfect – they all come with thier own challenges, but it’s how you handle these challenges that will make for a great relationship!
So today’s challenge is about dealing with a man who is withdrawing.
It doesn’t matter who you are or where you live, your man will probably withdraw at times during your relationship. Sometimes it’s more obvious than others, but it does happen to some extent.
Men can withdraw for the following reasons:
- They’re stressed about work
- They have things on their mind that may or may not have anything to do with you
- They’re tired
- They’re feeling uncertain about your relationship
- They just need some “man” time, alone
This is not an exhaustive list of why your man may be withdrawing, but it gives you a pretty clear indication that most of the time, they’re withdrawing for reasons that have absolutely NOTHING to do with you!
So that’s the good news!
The bad news is that many women respond quite badly to this – I’m speaking for myself too here! 😉
I’ve been so worked up about why my man is withdrawing that I spend my day obsessing about what can be wrong! Why hasn’t he called me, why did he act kind of distant, why didn’t he say much, why does he not want to see me tonight?????
These and many other questions have gone through my mind at some point, and to be honest, this stuff is draining! And not only is it draining on you, but it’s also draining on him!
He may not be there in the room with you, but I’ll bet he can “feel” the negative vibe you’re putting out there! And this is not good, because it could make things worse.
But if you’re able to deal with his withdrawals in a calm and positive way, things will return to normal a lot sooner, and you may find that he seems to be moving closer to you.
So…. what do you do if your man is withdrawing?
Here’s some of the things I have learned from a relationship coach, as well as some things I’ve tried (that worked!) with my guy:
- Realise that he may withdrawing for reasons that have absolutely nothing to do with you – and in fact, this is most likely the case. Remember this point in particular – I think this one is our downfall in most cases!
- Let him have his space – we all need it sometimes.
- Don’t call him/text him/phone him, unless absolutely necessary, and NO making up excuses to contact him either!
- Wait for him to contact you – and when he does, be open and inviting. There is NO room for accusations here!
- Feel free, once he has contacted you, to tell him how it felt when he withdrew – remember, no accusations and just speak about how you felt. Eg. I feel so happy to hear from you! The last few days I’ve been feeling insecure/worried/upset because I didn’t hear from you. I hope everything is ok?
- Put your focus on to you! Do things you love to do and get your mind off him now! Maybe you could go out with friends, or you could pamper yourself, or maybe get involved in something you’re passionate about. Anything to get your thoughts OFF him!
I suppose the most important thing here is to get yourself to stop thinking about where he’s at, and concentrate on yourself during these times. Do something for YOU! Something that makes your heart sing! And this ties in to my earlier post about identifying your purpose in life. Work that out and you have something fabulous to focus on while your man is hiding in his “man cave”!
Very enlightening article…..
How long do men typically hide in their caves ?
Mine has been withdrawn for more than 3 weeks with no contact other than one message saying he needs time to process some emotionally stressful matter….
Hi Naima
Some men never go into their caves, some go in there for an hour, and some go in there for days or weeks at a time.
Is he your boyfriend? If so, respect his request and give him space to process what he needs to process, but do not sit around waiting for him. Get busy with your life!
Do you have any hobbies or interests that you have not focused on in a while? If so, really get involved with those, and try (I know it’s hard) to shift your focus off him as much as you can. And reach out to me via my Contact page if you need help dealing with this ok? xx
Very helpful, thanks…
But I have to say it’s very difficult.
I agree it’s difficult – sometimes it can feel really awful.
But all you can really do is take a step back and let him do whatever he needs to do (you can’t control his actions, so there’s really no point in trying), in the hope that he works it out.
One way to deal with this situation is to determine what you would do if the worst happened. The answer might hurt, but nobody will die! And not only that, but if you put the situation into perspective, you will see that there are many others in the world dealing with so much worse right now, that they “wish” they could be experiencing your current problem, because it would be so much easier to handle than theirs.
I have a friend who told me her story a long time ago, which made me see how great I had it – even though I was seeing a man who was withdrawing and not treating me how I wanted to be treated. Here’s the link to that post, if you’re interested. https://selfconfidence101.com/upset-because-your-guy-isnt-texting-or-calling-time-to-put-things-in-perspective/ This friend of mine is now doing really great, so if she can bounce back from her situation, we can all bounce back from what we’re all going through, because it won’t even come close to her experience.
I hope this helps. xx
Thank you so much. He came back and told me his father had been diagnosed with terminal cancer with only months to live , he needed to process that, understandably.
He’s a great ,,compassionte guy and I’ll do my best to give him support.
Thank you ..
Yes, sometimes men can’t process more than one thing at a time, and clearly your guy had a lot to deal with.
I’m glad this helped you. 🙂