After leaving my second marriage, I had moments where I felt quite the failure. It was bad enough that my first marriage had failed, but my second marriage too?? Ugh. This wasn’t good.
While married to my second husband I had become a Certified Life Coach, so I used my training to dig deep inside and determine what had brought me to where I found myself. What I realised at first was that I was the common element here. Both of these men had been married to me, and both of these marriages had failed. Ok, so they weren’t completely innocent, but I had no control over what they did – I only had control over me and my actions. So what had I done that had contributed to the ending of both of my marriages?
I realised that in coaching myself I wasn’t getting all the answers, so I found another coach who specialised in relationships, to get the answers I needed. This help was rather confronting, but it really opened my eyes!
What I learned from this coach is that I was so much in my masculine energy most of the time, that my former husbands had no choice but to do one of the following:
- Fight back and “put me in my place”; or
- Take on the more feminine role/emotionally retreat
Neither of these scenarios sat well with me at all, but it all made sense. I didn’t trust these men to take care of me, so I would literally take over, controlling as much as I possibly could. Obviously none of this was done with malicious intent, but the outcome I created was two sets of really unhappy couples, where I was the common factor in each. OUCH!
I did a lot of reading and research during this time, and I began the long, hard road of doing the inner work that I knew I needed to do if I was ever going to find myself happy with another partner.
I dated a lot during this time and found myself in a couple of short term relationships, the first of which ended in disaster, but it was a really good lesson for me, reminding me that I’d forgotten to love myself more – again. Oops.
I met many wonderful people and I had many walk away. I walked away from some, and I continued on my journey. I knew in my bones that I would meet my “Mr Right” when we were both ready to meet each other, and after finally learning to love my own company and to be totally ok as a single lady, things changed for the better!
More on this tomorrow!
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