I was talking to a colleague at work today and she mentioned that she had a male friend who was in an unhappy marriage. He and his wife had nothing in common, had no common interests, spent little time together, they rarely slept together and she was really controlling. He wasn’t happy at all.
When my colleague talked to him about working at his marriage and possibly seeking counseling, he indicated that he didn’t want to. So the question here was, why was he staying with her if they weren’t happy together?
After spending 9 years in an unhappy marriage, I can kind of understand why he’s just letting things "sit" there as they are, rather than do something about it. It kind of seemed easier just to go along as we were.
For me, the thing that made me take action was the fact that my daughter would grow up thinking our marriage was normal if I chose to continue to live like we were, and I definitely didn’t want that.
Did we seek counseling? Yes. But years too late. We were having problems early on and I begged on many occasions to go and see a marriage counselor, but he refused each time. But when I told him I was leaving him, he suddenly realised that his life was about to turn upside down and suggested it. I agreed (I would have been a hypocrite otherwise), but it was too late. I no longer had feelings for him – I just wanted to leave and start over.
So the point of my post is this – if you’re starting to have problems now, sort them out now. Do nothing and things will continue until it’s too late. If you believe your marriage is worth saving (some aren’t), then do something about it. If it’s not worth saving, then do something about it – you will be glad you did!
Thank you for this post. I have been in a similar situation and I cannot describe the sense of freedom I experienced when I finally decided to move away for the relationship and stop wasting my life. I am now happily married to another and we have a beautiful daughter. All this would not have eventuated had I remained in a dead end relationship where I was not treated as I deserve.
Congratulations Paula on taking control of your life and doing what’s best for you! Like me, you’re obviously seeing the obvious benefits that resulted from doing so!