For many years I was a bit of a doormat. If I was treated badly, I would express my unhappiness about it, but would not set clear boundaries around it. So it would happen again and again and again.
I’m speaking from a woman’s perspective here, but what I have learned over the years is that most men will do whatever they can get away with. So if you choose to let him treat you badly, then he’ll continue to do so.
My first marriage is the perfect example of that. The verbal abuse continued because I gave my husband absolutely no good reason to stop.
Setting boundaries is about what you will tolerate in your relationship and what you won’t tolerate. And sticking to your boundaries is essential!
What’s difficult for women in relationships is that they’re not prepared to walk away from bad behaviour. So while she’s saying to her man that she doesn’t like the way he’s treating her (OMG I can so relate!), she’s not prepared to walk away from it either. So he will continue to do what he can get away with doing.
So how do you set clear boundaries and most importantly, how do you stick to them?
At first it’s hard, because it all starts with learning to love yourself and acknowledging your self worth. If you know he’s lucky to have you, without any shadow of doubt, you’ll have a lot less trouble sticking to your boundaries.
So just last week I made the decision that there were some things in my relationship that I just wasn’t happy with. He was coming over to talk to me that night and I was mentally preparing for the end of our relationship.
I was ok with it ending because I knew that if he didn’t want to treat me how I wanted to be treated, then there were plenty of other men in this world who would love to! So I knew everything would be ok, despite the outcome.
Fast forward to that night where I clearly expressed how I was feeling and stating my boundaries and telling him what I don’t want in my life, and he totally turned things around.
In fact, he started doing things immediately to prove to me how much he was committed to me. And here I was expecting that we were over!
We do still have a way to go, and setting boundaries is an ongoing process, but for now I feel good that I have stood up for what I believe in and will not accept less than I am worthy of.
What is upsetting you in your relationship right now? What boundaries can you set and stick to, which will boost your happiness?
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