Improve your Self Esteem, Change Your Life – Part 3

My life started to improve every day.  I really started to enjoy being single, and spent a lot of quality time with my daughter. 

While I didn’t have a good relationship with her father, I made sure to be positive about her visits with him and his parents and continue to do so – I felt that as long as he treated her well (which he does to the best of his ability), then I had no right to speak badly of him to her or in front of her.  To do so, would have only caused her pain and turmoil and that’s not fair to her.  I felt it was my duty as her mother to ensure she grew up as happy and as well-adjusted as possible.  It’s now 7  and a half years on, and I think I’ve done a pretty good job!

I used the times when my daughter was staying with her father or his family to do things for myself.  I started dating, I would go out with friends, I did whatever I wanted, and made sure I enjoyed it!

I was able to tick a couple of goals off my list, and of course this gave me a great sense of achievement.  My self esteem was really starting to kick along now!  I also noticed that the better I felt about myself, the more potential suitors I would meet!  What I also noticed as my self esteem improved, was the quality of the people I was meeting was improving. 

Over a year of singledom later, and I really did like myself.  I was doing great in my job (although I was bored), I was happy, I had a great social life and while I didn’t have loads of money, I was able to treat myself on occasion.  I even started to donate regularly to a charity I believed in, and that made me feel really good about myself.  Life was grand!  I continued to date various people, but now I was able to pick and choose who I saw.  If they didn’t meet my "criteria" then they were out! 

I think the main key to improving my self esteem once I was on my own, was having set goals to work towards.  They really gave me something to focus on and look forward to.  They gave meaning to my life.  Also, having a set "criteria" as to the type of future partner I wanted ensured I was able to hold myself accountable if I came across someone who didn’t meet any of them.  Now, I bet you’re wondering what the criteria was right?  If I get enough people asking, then I might post it in here one day!

In summary, and looking back on my life, I improved my self esteem in the following ways:

1. I started to put ME first (by leaving my marriage), even though I thought I was putting my daugher first.  Leaving was a benefit to both of us.
2. I started to enjoy myself – I got out there and had FUN for once!
3. I donated to a charity – only a small amount, but it made me feel really good to be helping someone who was very likely worse off than myself.
4. I set goals – this gave me focus and I now had something to look forward to.
5. I set "criteria" – this held me accountable to the type of people I would go out with.  I now kept myself accountable to a higher standard and was not going to accept whoever wanted me (I was good at that when I was young) just because they gave me the right kind of attention.
6. I learned that I owed it to my daughter to look after myself.
7. I made the decision to live a happy and successful life – this is sooo important.  Making the decision to live a happy and successful life is much more powerful than thinking I deserve a happy and successful life.  Think about this point carefully.
8. I started to spend a lot of quality time with my daughter – As my daughter grew and as we grew closer, I really started to see how much she loved and needed me.  This made me feel like I was doing a good job.
9. I treated myself on occasion – Treat yourself regularly!  You deserve it!  It took me a long time to believe that…!
10. I noticed how others reacted when I felt good about myself – I also noticed how they reacted when I felt bad.  I also attracted different types of people when I felt good – better people for me.

I hope my story helps at least one person who reads this – I really do believe that a low self esteem is the reason why people resort to crime or drugs, or abuse, or any other negative action or trait.  Ok, many may not actually start abusing others because they have low self esteem, but they may become a victim like I was.  And I was very much the victim in all areas of my life at the time!

Have a great day!