How your beliefs dictate the state of your love life

If your love life isn’t exactly how you’d like it to be, then it could be that you have some underlying beliefs, some of which you may not be aware of, which may be dictating the state of your love life!

I remember talking to a friend during my single days… we were both single and she was expressing how frustrated she was with dating and being single. When I asked her why, she replied “I just can’t find any men to date – there are no good men out there!”.

Ahem… I hesitated before replying because I didn’t want to sound like I was gloating, but I really wanted her to know that there were many good men out there. I knew this because I was dating a bunch of them. In fact, they were booking me three weeks in advance, just to squeeze into my busy schedule! And I was having a blast!

So why were our experiences of dating so completely different?

There were a number of reasons, and I’ll cover a few here:

1. We had very different expectations. I had an expectation that most men I crossed paths with, were not going to be my match long term. I also had an expectation that a date was nothing more than an opportunity to meet, or if we’d already met, it was an opportunity to get to know somebody better. My expectations did not go beyond that. There was no planning of our future wedding or anything near close to that! And I also had a belief that I was going to have fun – that was important! My friend on the other hand, was weighing them all up for their marriage potential.
2. I believed that “the one” was out there for me somewhere, and I would meet him as soon as we were both ready to meet each other. If this date didn’t go well or it just didn’t feel right to me, then he wasn’t the one. And what’s important here is that before our date, I never had it in my mind that he could be the one – I just went in feeling curious about the person I was about to meet. What he was like, what his life was like, how he experienced life – it was nothing more than that. Doing this took all of the pressure off. Believe it or not, the fellas can sense pressure, even if it’s subconscious! My friend took every date not progressing as personal – she believed that she must have done something wrong to “scare him away”. Oh boy I have a great story to tell about this, but you’ll have to do my course to hear it! 😉
3. I stayed in my “feminine” and let the guy lead the way. It allowed him the opportunity to show me what he was all about and whether he was the type of person I would like in my life, should things progress beyond this date. She on the other hand, was leading. She was doing all of the reaching out, she was planning the dates and basically dictating where the poor guys were going to take her – that’s on the rare occasion one of them would agree to go on the date with her! She was literally emasculating these men by being the “guy” in this process, and it was turning them off!

I do have to say that most of my dates stopped after Date #1. This was almost always because something didn’t quite click for me. If it felt like a definite “no”, then I wouldn’t go there again. If it was a “maybe” I’d give it another chance. But if I was still feeling “iffy”, then nope – I would cut them off and move on.

What’s so awesome though, is that each and every one of the men I dated over the years taught me something, whether it be about life, about myself, or even how to write an awesome CV! Every person you cross paths with is there to teach you something, and it is my hope that my friend, and anyone like her, can learn from her experiences.

Her beliefs told her that there were no decent men out there, that she had to lead the way before anything could happen, and that dating was hard. And this is exactly what she created.

I on the other hand found that there were so many wonderful men out there (whether they clicked or not), dating was easy, it was fun, and it was a way for me to experience meeting somebody new!