I don’t know about you but sometimes I find myself dwelling on a negative aspect of my life, but no matter how bad it feels, I sometimes find that I hang on to those negative feelings, kind of like I don’t want to let them go.
The reason we tend to do this is because we are getting something out of it! We could be receiving sympathy or attention for the negatives in our life, or it could be just that we’re so used to the negative feelings that we feel “safer” with them than without.
You may not even know why you are clinging to these feelings too. It could all be happening on a subconscious level.
But let me tell you from somebody who’s queen of hanging on to stuff, that life is better – in fact, ALL aspects of your life are better – if you let go of the negative stuff and change your focus on to something positive!
Now here’s the challenge. Sometimes it’s not easy to change your focus when you’re sooooo invested in the negative feelings. So today I’m going to give you a tool to help you to move that focus on to something that will better serve you.
So here goes!
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Alright! I want you to imagine a butterfly. Your butterfly can be any colour at all, but it must be a colour that makes you feel good. This site is full of butterflies, and they’re all pink I believe. That’s the colour of mine, but you might prefer yellow or blue or purple.
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Next, imagine that you have your negative feelings all balled up next to you. You can see this ball is cold and grey and it doesn’t look inviting or nice at all.
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In the distance, think of something or someone that makes your heart sing. It could be your children or other close family members, it could be you living your life purpose, or it could just be the thought of you sitting on a warm tropical island, sipping pina coladas!
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Imagine your butterfly is flying away from the negative feelings, and fluttering towards your positive things. Follow your butterfly in your mind.
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As your butterfly flutters around whatever it is you’re imagining, imagine the feelings you feel when you’re around your love ones, while living your life’s purpose or sitting on that island. Really feel those feelings!
Ok! Now how do you feel?? Better? Even a teeny bit better??
If you’re feeling exceptionally bad, you may need to do this exercise several times a day. When you go to the bathroom that would be a perfect time to really use this tool – no point wasting that time on idle thoughts, right? 😉
Haha! It doesn’t really matter where you are, and you really can run through the five steps above really quickly if you need to. The key here is to acknowledge your bad feelings, then turn your back on them and “walk” towards your positive feelings.
I’d love to hear how you go with this exercise!
Hi my name is Brandon I am 22 years old and I have a problem
here it is; I sometimes let negative thought gt into my head lots of times and it sometimes take over me. why? because it was based upon a past regret that I have done and images that pop into my head sometimes that just gets to me,I fantasize about sex, porn, and sometime it just bothers me when I feel that evey time I watch it I get a homosexual image into head believing that i might end up being gay.
Hi Brandon and thank you for your comment.
It’s completely normal to let negative thoughts get into your head, and I have personally let it take over me too. It’s an awful feeling and I know how difficult it can be to “snap” out of it.
We often do this because sometimes doing so seems “easier”. If you’re often in this state of mind, you kind of get used to it, so to make a positive change feels a little scary or uncomfortable.
Snapping out of it isn’t easy though, and it does take consistent effort. Now as this post suggests, you can try visualising the butterfly as outlined in the steps above. But if that doesn’t work for you, then try instead to focus on something that makes you feel good. Something positive in your life, or something you REALLY want to do with your life. Do this for at least two or three minutes every single day (it might help to put a reminder beside your bed). Over time, you are “teaching” your mind to think of more positive things. Eventually you will think less of the negataives.
Now, we all have regrets (I used to have many!), and as you know, what’s happened in the past cannot be changed. We have absolutely NO control over what has happened in the past, so to dwell on these things is going to change nothing. So what CAN you change in your future? What CAN you control? What good can you do to make up for the past regret?
If you’ve hurt a person in the past, it may not be possible to make things right with that person, so instead, why not make somebody else’s life a little better by donating to charity, or doing a good deed for somebody in need?
And finally, you’re a guy. And as a guy you are going to fantastise about sex etc, and to have homosexual thoughts does NOT mean you are gay either (not that there’s anything wrong with that, but just having the thoughts does not make you so). You’re also young, and it’s very common when you’re young to fantasise about different aspects of your sexuality, as you get comfortable being you.
I can assure you that as you get older, you will begin to “grow into your skin” so to speak, as you find your place in the world.
I hope this has helped you a little.