How I stopped doubting myself, reclaimed my confidence and finally started making better choices.
More than 20 years ago, I walked down the aisle convinced I’d found my happily ever after.
The dress was lovely. The hopes were high. The optimism was practically overflowing.
Unfortunately, the marriage had other plans.
A few years later, I found myself divorced and alone.
Not exactly the fairy-tale ending I’d ordered.
Still, I believed in love. So, two years later, I met someone else, fell in love and eventually got married again.
Surely this time I’d got it right?
Well, apparently not.
Marriage number two also came to a rather miserable end.
Two marriages. Two divorces. One very confused woman.
At this point, I was beginning to think my relationship history resembled a badly written soap opera. And frankly, the leading lady was getting a bit tired of the storyline.
When Your Confidence Takes a Nosedive
I remember the emotional turmoil, the endless questions and the impressive amount of time I spent beating myself up.
What was wrong with me?
Why couldn’t I get this right?
Was I destined to keep repeating the same mistakes?
And perhaps the most damaging question of all…
Was I simply not good enough?
My self-confidence had taken a serious beating.
But eventually, something shifted.
I realised that constantly criticising myself wasn’t helping. In fact, I was doing a spectacular job of making an already difficult situation even worse.
I didn’t need another lecture from my inner critic.
I needed to understand myself.
The Most Important Relationship I Needed to Fix Was With Myself
After I’d finished feeling thoroughly sorry for myself (and believe me, I gave it a decent effort), I decided to look a little deeper.
Rather than focusing entirely on what my former husbands had or hadn’t done, I started asking different questions.
- Why had I made certain choices?
- What had I been willing to tolerate, and why?
- Where had I ignored my own needs?
- What did I actually want from life?
- And why was I looking outside myself for proof that I was good enough?
Some of those answers were uncomfortable.
Others were downright embarrassing.
Let’s just say there were a few moments when I wanted to have a stern word with my younger self.
But something wonderful happened.
The more I understood myself, the less I needed other people to tell me who I was or what I deserved.
I began recognising beliefs and subconscious patterns that had influenced my decisions for years.
And slowly, I started making different choices.
Not because I suddenly became perfect. That would have been impressive, but highly unlikely.
I simply became more aware of who I was, what mattered to me and what I was no longer prepared to accept.
Most importantly, I began to see my own value.
Confidence Changes More Than Your Love Life
Here’s something I discovered along the way.
Self-confidence isn’t just about feeling attractive, speaking up in meetings or being able to walk into a room without wondering whether everyone is judging your outfit.
Although, admittedly, that last one is rather nice.
Real confidence changes how you live your life.
It influences the relationships you choose, the boundaries you establish, the opportunities you pursue and the way you treat yourself.
When you don’t believe in your own worth, it’s surprisingly easy to:
- Say yes when every part of you wants to say no.
- Put everyone else’s happiness ahead of your own.
- Stay in situations that no longer make you happy.
- Talk yourself out of opportunities because you might fail.
- Constantly seek reassurance before making decisions.
- Settle for less because you’re not convinced you deserve more.
Sound familiar?
I know these patterns well.
And here’s what makes them particularly frustrating.
You can be intelligent, capable and successful in certain areas of your life while still doubting yourself in others.
You might confidently manage an entire workplace, then spend three days wondering whether you offended someone by saying no to lunch.
Humans. We’re fascinating creatures.
You Don’t Need Everyone Else’s Permission to Be Happy
One of my biggest realisations was that I had spent far too much time worrying about what other people thought.
Was I doing the right thing?
Would someone disapprove?
What if I made another mistake?
Eventually, I realised that other people’s opinions weren’t always the best basis for making my life decisions.
Who knew?
I began trusting my own judgement, recognising my needs and understanding that disappointing someone else occasionally didn’t make me a terrible person.
It made me a person with boundaries.
And what a revelation that was!
So, Did I Find My Happily Ever After?
Actually, yes.
A few years later, I married Laurie, the love of my life.
And as we stood facing each other on our wedding day, both getting a little emotional (and I do recall him saying “I have sand in his eyes”), I knew something was different.
But the biggest change wasn’t simply that I’d found a wonderful man.
I’d also found a much more confident version of myself.
Someone who understood her worth.
Someone who could communicate what she wanted.
Someone who was learning to trust herself rather than constantly second-guessing every decision.
And that changed far more than my relationship status.
What About Your Story?
Perhaps you’ve experienced a relationship breakdown.
Maybe you’ve spent years putting everyone else’s needs ahead of your own.
Or perhaps, from the outside, your life looks perfectly fine, but inside you’re quietly wondering when you became someone who doubts herself so much.
Whatever brought you here, consider this:
What might your life look like if you genuinely trusted yourself?
Imagine making decisions without needing approval from half the population.
Imagine setting boundaries without spending the next three days feeling guilty.
Imagine pursuing something you really want without immediately producing a 47-point list of reasons why it might go wrong.
And imagine feeling comfortable being yourself, without constantly wondering whether you’re good enough.
That’s the kind of confidence I want more women to experience.
Not arrogance. Not pretending to have everything figured out.
Just a genuine sense of self-worth, personal power and the freedom to make choices that feel right for you.
Because your life is yours to live.
And frankly, you’ve probably spent enough time letting your inner critic have the final say.
Ready to Start Believing in Yourself?
Today, I help women explore the beliefs and subconscious patterns that influence their confidence, choices and experiences.
My work is about helping you reconnect with your own power, trust yourself and create meaningful change from within.
Whether you’re rebuilding after a difficult experience or simply ready to become a more confident version of yourself, you don’t have to keep following the same old script.
You get to decide what happens in your next chapter.
And this time, let’s give the leading lady a storyline she actually enjoys.