Could your partner be cheating on you?

Are things not going as well with your man as you would like it to? Does something feel off, but you’re not sure what it is? Could your partner be cheating on you??

Almost a decade ago I met a couple who were telling me that for 25 years of their marriage, he had been cheating on her. What the? Why on earth were they still together???? I was intrigued by their story and I learned a lot from it. I spent a great deal of time talking to this couple about the workings of their marriage, and I will never forget what they taught me.

This couple were doing their thing, teaching other couples how to deal with infidelity, whether it means staying together or amicably going your separate ways, but what I found most intriguing were the reasons behind why a cheater cheats.

Many people are quick to point the finger at the cheater, and while I will never condone cheating, I now have an understanding of why somebody cheats.

Basically it comes down to the 3 A’s and the 3C’s. What are they, you ask? Let me elaborate:

For men:

Acknowledged – a man needs to feel acknowledged for what he does.

Appreciated – a man needs to know that whatever he does, it’s appreciated

Admired – a man needs to feel admired for what he does (probably an ego thing!)

 

For women:

Cherished – a woman needs to feel cherished by her man

Cared for – a woman needs to know that her man will take care of her

Certainty – a woman needs security, a certainty that he’s there for her

 

Seems pretty basic huh, but if any of these things are missing, it’s likely one of you is going to stray, and more often than not, it’s the man.

As I’m writing this from a female perspective (and not because I want to bash men), I’m going to talk more about why a man cheats.

Do you get stuck into your guy the second he walks in the door? Are you acting all controlling or making him wrong for everything he does? Does he constantly let you down and do you constantly remind him of this fact?

I know a man who cheated on his wife, and he told me that while he was at work, he was a superstar. Everybody loved and admired him – everybody showed their appreciation for his hard work, and he never felt like he was letting somebody down.

On the other hand, the second he walked in the door at home, he could not do a single thing right. All of a sudden that pedestal he had been on all day, was ripped away.

Can you see why he had to get his validation elsewhere? His wife certainly wasn’t giving him any. He never felt like he was good enough.

But let’s look at things from her perspective… He was rarely home, as he was working so hard, so some of those 3 C’s were missing for her too.

But was it a good idea for her to handle her frustration the way she did, making him “wrong” for everything he did?

If Dr Phil was talking to her, he would ask, “How’s that working for you?”

I’m betting not well.

So… while your partner could be cheating on you, what are YOU doing to push him away?

I don’t agree with cheating, but I do understand why people do it, and if you suspect your guy is cheating, please stop and look at how pleasant you are to be around.

Maybe you could handle things differently? Maybe you can show appreciation for the good things, and take some space when you notice the bad? Maybe you need to get more of a life outside of him, so you’re not relying on him as your sole source of entertainment?

Either way, what you’re doing now isn’t working, so why not try something different? <3