I recently became a member of a Facebook group which is focused on manifestation and raising your vibration, and what I found to be really interesting is that it seems as though the majority of the members of this group had all come from similar backgrounds.
Most had been in abusive relationships with narcissistic partners and many had “escaped” their old life and were looking forward to starting their new life. Problem is, most of these women were struggling financially and emotionally – their previous relationships had taken everything out of them.
I think back to my first marriage, and am blown away by the sheer number of women who have been in a similar situation to the old me – at the time I felt completely alone.
Since that time I’ve learned a lot about men, about relationships, and about mindset, and what I now know is that I did NOT have to live that life for as long as I did. In fact, I had the power to change my situation right at the beginning – but I chose not to.
I have no regrets, and my lessons have helped countless other women around the world, and I am posting this today in the hope that I can help even more people.
You see, you teach somebody how they can treat you through what you tolerate. You can tell your husband that you don’t like the way he’s treating you, but to him it’s just words. There are no consequences of his actions, and your lack of action is “telling” him to keep treating you the same way. My therapist told me this. She said that because I stuck around and allowed him to treat him that way, I was sending him a very clear message that despite what I would say about it, my actions were telling him to keep treating me like crap. *
Now I know that for some people, walking out just isn’t an option, at least not in the short term, because they’re afraid for their safety in particularly bad situations.
To these people, I urge you to seek help as soon as you can, and find a way to get yourself and your family out safely. I cannot stress this enough. Thankfully we have better access to help than we did before, and much of it is through the internet which offers great tools and advice for abuse victims. I didn’t have the luxury of the internet when in the depths of my previous “hell”, which is probably why I felt so alone. But today, you have sooooo much information at your fingertips. So please use this information to help you build your strength – for your own sake, if not for the sake of your children.
If it’s not about the physical abuse, you’re in a slightly “safer” situation, but it still feels tough, because you likely don’t feel you’re “justified” in your reason for leaving. You have no bruises, so is it really abuse?? Of course it is!! In fact, it can be much worse than some physical abuse, given it can affect you in such a negative way emotionally and it can create some deep scars.
So the purpose of my post today is to help the people of the world to see that we all have a choice. Even doing nothing is a choice. If your partner treats you badly and it is becoming a pattern, please love yourself enough to put yourself first. It’s time to love you more than you love them, and do what you would suggest to anyone that you love that finds themselves in a situation that matches yours. You do not have to put up with this!
These people treat you badly because you let them and because they don’t feel good about themselves. It’s now time to stop letting them treat you this way! Your past choices have got you here, and your current choices will affect your future. What type of future do you choose? Do you choose to do nothing and to allow this to continue? Or do you choose something else? How about choosing love for yourself?
Wouldn’t the world become a wonderful place if every single person in an abusive relationship immediately walked away from their relationships and showed these people that they can’t get away with treating someone like that? Imagine if every single abuser was left on their own because their partner no longer tolerated their crap? Surely if this kept happening to them they would wake up and realise that they can’t keep treating people like this and expect them to stick around?
And what if the victims of this abuse were able to congregate together and to support each other to heal their trauma? Wouldn’t this help those who were afraid to leave because they have nowhere to go, because they now have other options?
What messages are you sending those around you about how they’re allowed to treat you? How do you think this is impacting on your life?
*I know of many men who have been abusive relationships with their wives too, so while I'm referring to an abusive man, it's purely because I am a woman, posting from my perspective.
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