I had dinner last night with a guy I used to date. We are close friends now, but once upon a time we were spending every free moment together. We were never heading towards “relationship territory” (long story, but it was agreed before we started dating that it could not be more), but he fell for me, despite his efforts not to.
I had strong feelings for him in that I cared for him deeply, but I did not want more from him, and that worked well for both of us.
So these strong feelings he had for me didn’t mean anything though because a relationship was never on the cards, but after our conversation last night, it was clear that when I was with him, I was “doing” everything right!
I’ll continue my story, and let’s call this guy Steve.
So to backtrack a year and a half, when I met a guy who later became my boyfriend, I didn’t see much of Steve, and he was very supportive of me and happy that I had met somebody who could give me the “whole package”. So he kept in touch occasionally to say hi, but that was it.
Steve went on to date another woman (let’s call her Lisa). Lisa was quite different to me, however she and Steve got along really well. They spent a lot of time together and had lots of fun, however Steve could tell she was falling for him, and he was feeling a little wary about that, and started pulling back.
Last night he told me how she would turn up at his house with cleaning products, and would start cleaning his house. Huh? They weren’t even in a relationship, but here she was acting like his girlfriend or wife!
I never cleaned his house. I never offered to cook for him. I never really did much for him at all, except show him gratitude and express how happy I was when I was with him. We had lots of fun and he spoiled me rotten, so I always showed my appreciation. But that’s all I ever did.
He told me many times how happy it made him to see the happy smile on my face (nawww!). 🙂
So he went on to say that he never really felt connected with her like he did with me, but here she was doing all these things for him. Why didn’t he feel the same way for her as he did for me? He also said that on many occasions he would feel the need to pull back even further, especially when she started leaving her personal items at his house!
What I learned from this conversation is that he is real living proof that to really connect with a man and have his feelings grow for you, all you have to “do” is just “be”!
We were not in a relationship, so I never felt the need to act like we were. I just remained warm and open and feminine and let him do all of the “doing”. HE took care of ME – not the other way around.
I guess he felt masculine when he was taking care of me, and it was nice for me to stay feminine and let him do just that. It worked perfectly in the sense that this guy couldn’t help but fall in love with me. Oops!
He and I are still good friends and will stay that way and we’ll both have each other in a special place in our hearts. I learned so much from my time with him – it was the best, and most fun lesson of my life! xxx
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