On the weekend, my two daughters, my husband and I, farewelled my gorgeous dog. She was almost 17 years old and her quality of life was beginning to deteriorate and I made the heartbreaking decision to end her life – and it HURTS.
Grief is a strange thing… sometimes I feel ok, and at other times I feel absolutely miserable and in disbelief that my little companion is no longer in my life. I’m also struggling with guilt. Did I do the right thing? Is she glad I made the choice to end her suffering? Logically I believe I’ve done the right thing by my little baby (and two vets agreed it was the right thing to do), but the doubts creep in during my lower moments.
Last night a good friend shared a link with me, and this helped me to understand why I can feel ok in one moment, and not ok in the next. Check it out here: https://www.mamamia.com.au/ball-in-the-box-grief
The article has pictures which will explain this better than I can, but to summarise, she talks about how grief is like a ball inside a box. When the event causing the grief has just happened, the ball is pretty big and only just fits in the box. On the inside of the box to one side, is the “pain button”. Every time the ball touches that button, the pain is intense!
Over time, the ball begins to shrink, so the pain button isn’t touched as often. But when it does, it’s as raw as it was on the first day. As the ball continues to shrink, the pain button gets hit less and less. This doesn’t reduce the pain though – you’re just feeling it less often.
The key to dealing with grief is to allow yourself to grieve! Cry if you need to. Take time out if you need to. Distract yourself too, if that helps. Everyone deals with their grief in so many different ways, and there’s no right or wrong way to handle it.
My little dog passed only three days ago, and I can sense that the ball is shrinking, but it’s still big enough to hit that pain button occasionally, and I guess this will keep happening for some time to come. ❤️
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