Self Confidence Tips

Ten Steps to Help You Improve Your Self Confidence

As I said above, improving your confidence or self esteem won’t happen overnight, although you will find taking little steps every day will make this seem so much more achievable.

The steps listed below are of course very broad, but they will very likely get you thinking about what you might need to work on though courses, books or other resources. 

1.  Work on your conversational skills

Have you ever been stuck for words?  Improving your conversational skills can really help you feel more comfortable and confident in any social situation which will lead to larger confidence overall.  Make sure you practice maintaining eye contact and really become a good listener, asking relevant questions of the person you are talking to – this shows them you really are listening!

2.  Set goals

This is a big one for me.  If you set specific goals, building confidence will be much easier (maybe because it gives you something positive to focus on?).  Whether you want to be confident enough to become president of some company or simply give a presentation at a seminar, you can then create an action plan for achieving this goal.  

3.  Get involved

Involving yourself in organisations, projects, committees, or clubs improves your skills in many areas which can improve your confidence.  Think about joining an organisation, club or committee and see how you go!  

4.  Positive affirmations and visualisations

This actually sits well with goal setting.  Visualising yourself as having achieved your goal and really feeling the feelings involved if you were to achieve that goal is such a powerful way to attract what you want.  I suppose you are "tricking" your mind into believing the goal has been achieved and you subconsciously start to act more like the person who has achieved that goal.  Negative self talk is now a thing of the past and only positive things are allowed to come out of your mouth – if you can’t say something nice, don’t say it at all from now on! 

5.  Seek professional help

If you are suffering from or on the verge of depression, then you should definitely seek the advice of a professional counselor or psychiatrist.  Otherwise, there are motivational speakers who make their living from helping people make the most of their lives, which often involves helping their listeners build confidence.  It’s funny that I’ve noticed that many motivational speakers don’t like to be called "motivational speakers".  I’ve come across "peak performance coaches", "mentors" and "inspirational speakers" but no motivational speakers!  If you are unable to attend a seminar given by a "motivational speaker", then many offer DVDs and CDs of their motivational performances.  If your finances aren’t that great, then you can sometimes get a great deal from eBay.

I’ve also found that self-help books can provide you with helpful strategies for building confidence.  Life coaches provide one-on-one help to assist customers in reaching their potential (many do this face to face, or like me, they will offer coaching via email or telephone). 

Remember, depression and other illnesses can decimate your self-confidence, and simply thinking positive thoughts or attending a motivational talk aren’t enough to help you feel better, so please ensure you get the help you need.

6.  Take small steps

If your confidence or self esteem is lacking, then chances are you’re not going to be able to get out there and completely change your life in one day.  Even attempting to do this may put you right back where you started.  That is why I suggest you take small steps to start.  As your confidence improves, you will find that slightly bigger steps work for you.  If it’s career progression you want, ask your boss for more responsibilities at work.  Take on maybe one task at a time, building from there as your confidence improves.

7.  Fake it until you make it!

Believe it or not, you can gain confidence by acting like a confident person.  Nobody needs to know that you’re cringing underneath your confident façade.  Eventually you’ll no longer need to pretend as it will become second nature.  The success you experience from acting confident and the confident habits you’ve developed will lead to true confidence.

8.  Look for confident role models

Look around you to co-workers, friends, family members to find inspiration.  Finding confident role models can help you become more confident yourself.  This is probably because it gives you the feeling of "If he can do it, then so can I!".  Take note of what they do and how they act.  Use your new conversational skills and ask them how they got to where they are, and how their confidence played a role. 

9.  Try new things

New experiences can give you confidence by helping you grow as a person. Starting a new hobby or taking a class is likely to help you develop lasting skills to help you improve your confidence.

10.  Be happy with yourself

Remember you cannot control what you can’t change, so why get hung up about it?  Having an essentially positive attitude toward yourself is key to gaining confidence.  You must be happy with the person you are, from your personality to your appearance, before you can truly be confident.  I’ll give you an example.  While I would change some of my physical features if I could do it by just snapping my fingers (who wouldn’t?), I’m ok with them as they are.  Nobody is perfect and what you see in yourself is very likely not what others see in you.  On the other hand, there are some aspects of my personality I would like to work on, such as my listening skills and my public speaking skills and this is exactly what I intend to do, as this I can control! 

Improving your confidence and self esteem doesn’t have to be hard but it does require hard work and dedication, taking things one step at a time. 

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