My saying for today is this:
I don’t forgive people because I am weak, I forgive them because I couldn’t be bothered harboring negative thoughts…
Have you ever been guilty of harbouring resentment for somebody that did the wrong thing by you?
How did you benefit when experiencing these feelings? What if you were able to forgive that person and get on with your life?
This is a difficult concept for many people to accept and apply in their own lives.
“Why should I forgive him for what he did to me…?” might be the kind of reaction one would get if suggesting that forgiveness might be the right way to go.
Harbouring negative thoughts takes up sooo much energy and that energy is totally wasted. Personally, I just couldn’t be bothered!
Forgiving doesn’t mean you condone what they have done – it means you’re no longer going to let your feelings about them run your life.
My former husband treated me pretty badly for a long time, and in the end I walked out with my daughter, my personal belongings, some household items and what was left of my dignity. I told him he could have the house, the car and everything else inside.
So many people have asked me what I was thinking!? How could I let him keep everything after what he did to me!? I should take him for everything he had!
If I thought that way, then I’d still be in the “victim mentality”. I’d be fretting about all of the horrible things he did, maybe thinking up ways to get my revenge, thinking of how I could get as much money out of him as possible.
And my daughter’s life would have been filled with turmoil and anger.
Instead I chose another option. I didn’t need all of the “stuff” we had accumulated together. My daughter’s happiness and stability in her life was what I wanted more than anything. That is what helped me make my choice.
My former husband’s childhood was wrought with verbal abuse at the hands of his father (his father isn’t exactly what one would call a “happy” man…!), and whilst I don’t condone abuse of any kind, I do feel that the way he treated me was a symptom of all of the years of abuse he endured as a child (in fact, his father was still calling him names and putting him down well into his 30′s and probably still does).
I also know that deep down, he did care for our daughter and I, but he had a pretty terrible way of showing it – I suppose he never had a good example to follow.
I actually feel very sorry for the man, because I know that he will very likely remain the miserable man I married all those years ago – unless he finally gets off his butt and gets some help with his attitude and hopefully his self esteem!
So for me, forgiving him hasn’t been difficult at all. He had a terrible childhood, was miserable when I was married to him, and is still not exactly “Mr Happy” now. Nothing has changed, so I do feel pity for him, but know that only he has the power to change it, although I doubt he would have the foresight to actually do anything about it. Unfortunately. For him!
So how does one forgive? Well for me, it’s all about making the choice to do so. We can choose to forgive or not forgive. I also look at the situation from their perspective. For example, a thief who steals food from a store is breaking the law. But what if they feel they have a good reason to steal? What if they have starving children at home? What if they have no money and feel this is their only way? Ok, it doesn’t make what they’re doing right, but it does make it easier to understand why someone would stoop to such a level if they’re in a desperate situation.
We may never forget, but forgiving is taking back our power and moving on with our life.
How do you go when it comes to forgiving?
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