Having trouble meeting a decent partner? Your self esteem might be the problem…

Are you having trouble meeting someone?  Do you go out week after week, looking for Mr or Ms Right but come home disappointed because yet again, the perfect partner was nowhere to be found?

From experience I have learned that your self esteem or self confidence can have a huge impact on your chances of meeting a potential partner.  It can also affect the type of person you attract.

At the time of meeting my first husband, I was not a very confident person at all.  In fact, I really didn’t think much of myself at all.  He was my perfect match.  He had a low opinion of himself (hence his need to put me down to make himself feel better), and he even accused me of wanting to cheat on him on a couple of occasions.  I was apparently going to cheat on him with our next door neighbour and then with one of his closest friends (I have no idea where he got that idea from as the thought had never crossed my mind).  Looking back, I can see that it was his low opinion of himself that drove him to make such accusations.

After Mr Wrong was off the scene (yep, I got rid of him!), I was on the lookout for Mr Right again.  This time I had a lot of confidence in myself, I liked myself and I was enjoying life.  I felt great and was really happy.  And then along came Mr Right, and in the most unexpected place (more on that another time).  Not only was he the complete opposite of Mr Wrong, but he was happy, confident, loving, and has turned out to be a wonderful husband and father. 

So how did my self esteem affect who I attracted?

Think about it from potential Mr or Ms Right’s point of view.  If you were to walk past, eyes on the ground (so no chance of eye contact), body hunched over and no smile to be seen, what kind of message are you putting across?  Remember, misery loves company!

On the other hand, if you’re walking past with your shoulders back, head held high, smiling and looking confident, then you’re sending out positive vibes!  My Mr Wrong would not have the courage to approach someone like this as he would fear  the rejection too much.

Now I hear you saying, "But what if I don’t feel confident?" or "What if I don’t like myself?".  My response would be "Fake it!".  Pretend you feel great when you don’t.  Say nice things about yourself.  You don’t have to say them to other people  – just say it to the mirror!  Before you go out, push your shoulders back, smile in the mirror, tell yourself how wonderful and confident you are.  Ok, your family might think you’ve completely lost it, but you will soon find that after doing this every day for a while, it will become a habit.  It’s like if you’re told a lie often enough you start to believe it.  It’s the same for self confidence.  Eventually your subconscious mind is going to start believing that you are wonderful and confident.  You will notice that over time you will have a bit of a spring in your step, you will smile more, you will feel more confident.

Just try it for a month and see how it goes!

Until next time,

Have a great day!

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