How to stop accepting crumbs

Oooo boy!  I’ve learned a LOT about this over the last year, and I have to say that it’s been a tough but valuable lesson!

I am the type of person who hates conflict.  I want to make everyone happy and am probably a little too laid back when it comes to how others treat me.   Well, that’s how it’s been the last 12 months or so anyway.  But I’ve made some huge personal changes and things are suddenly looking a LOT rosier!

Whether you’re in a relationship or single and dating, our interactions with men (I’m talking to the women of the world here) say a lot about the type of treatment we should expect to receive.

For example, if you’re always available when he contacts you, will do whatever he asks when he asks, and you tolerate what you would normally consider “bad” behaviour, then you’re giving the message that you will not only continue to tolerate his bad behaviour, but you’ll continue to reward him for it too!

You’re accepting crumbs, and he knows it.  Don’t get me wrong.  This doesn’t make him out to be the “bad guy”.  It’s just how things work out when we continue to put others’ needs before our own.

So how do you turn this around?

Here’s where I learned my biggest lesson this year.  You MUST first increase your “degree of difficulty”.  This doesn’t mean that you have to all of a sudden become high maintenance.   What it does mean is that you need to take your focus right off him and onto yourself and get busy doing other stuff!

Your life is what you make it. So get out there girl and have some fun!  If you’re single, consider dating other men.  There’s no written (or unwritten) rule that says you’re only allowed to date one guy at a time.  Until you’re in a committed relationship, then why would you want to restrict yourself to just one guy who may or may not be for you?

  • If you’re in a relationship (or even if you’re not), spend more time with your girlfriends.  Pamper yourself on occasion, reward yourself for being you!  Start taking care of your own needs.  Take a dance class, join a gym, go to a Zumba class, take a relaxing walk.  There are so many things you can do.
  • Stop dropping everything the second he calls.  If you have other plans, tell him so.  Ask for more notice next time.
  • Communicate your needs to him.  If he’s not delivering, then there’s a chance he’s just clueless!  But be careful not to sound “blamey”.  Use “I” instead of “You” when telling him what you want and don’t want.  Make it all about you.

Realise that you deserve the very best that life has to offer and until you put your foot down about what you will accept and what you won’t, then the crumbs will continue to come.  You don’t deserve that, and your man (if you have one) will certainly begin to look at you a little differently when you take control of your own needs first!  :)


  1. This also applies to any important relationships we have, including those we have as parents of adult children.

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