How to increase your degree of difficulty

What does it mean to increase your degree of difficulty?  Why would you want to do this?

Should you only do this if you’re single, if you’re dating, or if you’re in a relationship?

Increasing your degree of difficulty is about increasing your value in a man’s eyes and it doesn’t matter whether you’re in a relationship or not.  Even if you’re married, you should still work to increase your degree of difficulty if it’s not up there already.

Have you ever been in a situation when you really like a guy to the point that you’re almost obsessing about him?  You think about him day and night, you keep your phone close in case he calls.  You don’t make plans with your girlfriends because you want to make sure you’re free if he calls to ask you out…

And then he doesn’t call….  And you feel deflated, miserable, upset, you hate yourself for hoping he would call, you beat yourself up, you wonder what you said/did wrong….

The list goes on and on, and you are definitely not alone if you’ve ever been in this situation.

But there is a way to get out of it, and that’s where increasing your degree of difficulty comes in!

One thing you need to know is that if you always drop everything the second he calls, then he’ll see you as “easy”.  He won’t need to make much of an effort to catch your attention, so he won’t.  He’ll just do what is absolutely necessary – he won’t make any extra effort because he knows he doesn’t need to.

But if you’re in the habit of keeping yourself busy with your own life, not focusing on him at all unless he calls, then you’re definitely going to be perceived as more valuable in his eyes.

Now one thing you must understand is that increasing your degree of difficulty is somewhat different to the term “playing hard to get” too.  Playing hard to get is more like game playing. Pretending you’re busy when you’re not.  This will not work – well… not in the long term anyway.

For example, if a guy you’re seeing calls and asks you to go on a date, to say you’re busy when you’re not (because you don’t want him to think you’re too easy) is more like playing hard to get.

You’re not being authentic.  You’re playing games.  Saying you’re busy when you’re not – that’s lying.

But what if you did actually have other plans?  What if you had another date, or plans to take your children out for the day, or you’d booked in to have a day of pampering?  What if he knew that your life really did not revolve around him?

One thing he will realise is that your life doesn’t revolve around him, and that you are the type of woman who takes care of herself.  That’s got to be a good thing, right?

If he’s a guy worth having (this may take a bit of time, so give him a chance if you think he’s worth it), then you’ll begin to notice that he’s stepping up more.  He’s calling you earlier in the week to book you in for a date, he’s paying you more attention, and you’re noticing that he really does treat you as though you’re more valuable to him.

What’s great about increasing your degree of difficulty is that you’re no longer 100% focused on him and wondering if he’s going to call. Instead, you’re so busy with your own life that you don’t think about him as often as you used to.  This will do WONDERS for your self confidence!  And what’s even better, is that all of his extra efforts feel good too!

Ok, so how exactly do you increase your degree of difficulty?  The following ideas will help to get you started:

  • Book in time to do the things you love to do.
  • Pamper yourself more often – you’re sooo worth it!  :)
  • Date and flirt with other men (if you’re single) or just flirt (if you’re not single!).
  • Plan to do things with your girlfriends.
  • Always have a “Plan B” for if your date cancels – even if it’s a date with yourself, painting your toenails!  The point here is to always have something else to do (that doesn’t involve sitting at home wondering why he didn’t call!) if your date is off.

The list above is a teeny snapshot of the number of things you can do to increase your degree of difficulty.

If you’re not pining over this guy, your life is truly full and you’re happy and you love yourself, then he’s definitely going to notice.   He will also know that you have other options when he’s not around.  He will know that your happiness does not depend on him too.

So if you were planning on curling up in a corner, curled up in the fetal position, wondering why on earth he didn’t call you when he said he would, think again.  That will only push him away – the negative energy you’re putting out here will make him run a mile! The process of increasing your degree of difficulty is the only way to show him your value and to inspire him to step up.

Good luck!  :)

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