Have you ever felt that no matter what you do, a certain person will always put you down?
Many years ago, I was married quite unhappily to a man who did not have a single nice thing to say to me. It really hurt, and over time, my self confidence took a beating, to the point where I had almost none left!
Why was he doing this? Why couldn’t he see me for the good and loving person that I was?? I just couldn’t work it out!
I didn’t have the answer at the time, so I stuck around for many years, hoping that some day he would wake up and realise how good he had it, and he’d miraculously start to treat me like he cherished me, as any woman would want to be treated. Obviously we all know how that went, and I ended up walking (more like running!) away.
Oh if only I knew then what I do now! And I sadly see this happening everywhere!
What I now know is that this man was sooo down on himself and lacking in self esteem, that he kept picking on everything I did as his way of bringing me down, as he knew on some level (likely subconscious) that he was below me. He KNEW I could do better, but he didn’t want me to work that out!
My partner’s ex also used to beat him down emotionally too, as she was so lacking in self esteem, that she needed to keep him down with her, so she could maintain control over him.
So what do you do if somebody keeps trying to bring you down?
My first answer would be to gain the awareness of what they’re doing and observe – note when they’re acting this way and how they’re trying to make you feel bad. If you can understand why somebody does certain things, it helps you to deal with it. Also, they can’t make you feel bad – you have a choice about how to feel in these situations!
Next, you need to stop letting them drag you into that hole they’re in. If it’s a friend or acquaintance, it’s easy – just distance yourself from them. But if it’s a significant other, you have a problem, because many of these people don’t like to admit that they have a problem.
If you’re in a relationship with somebody who does this, try these:
- Ask them to stop, and leave the room – they can’t bring you down if you’re not in the room with them!
- Is this a deal breaker? If so, and there’s no chance they’ll become voilent with you, tell them to stop or you’re outta there as you don’t deserve to be treated that way! If there is a chance of violence, then girl, what the hell are you still doing there?? GET OUT!!!
- Focus on building up your own confidence as much as possible. The more confident you get, the less chance they’ll have to keep bringing you down to their level.
- This person likely needs to get some help. But it’s got to be something they want to do.
- Get busy – the less time you spend with that energy drainer, the better. When they ask why you’re so busy all of a sudden, be honest with them. Tell them you don’t like how they’re putting you down, so you’d rather focus on things that make you happy. They’ll either change their tune, or they won’t.
To be honest, most of these types of people won’t own the fact that they have a problem, and in most cases, you’re better off walking away. But… some won’t be aware of what they’ve been doing and will work to correct this behaviour. If you are dealing with the latter, that’s great! You can be there to support them and you may notice a really wonderful and positive change.
If you’re dealing with the former, those who won’t admit they have an problem or see what they’re doing as an issue (they’ll likely tell you you’re an idiot for feeling bad, because they “didn’t mean it” or words to that effect), then it’s going to be a case of accept or reject. Accept it and live your life being treated that way and be ok with it, or reject it, walk away and find somebody who will cherish you instead.
I chose to walk and am happy I did. <3