When should I ask where this relationship is going? The answer may surprise you…!

“Julie” has started dating a guy. He’s attentive, he calls and texts her regularly, and they always have a great time. They’ve been seeing each other for three weeks now and so far everything’s great!

But she’s wondering what his intentions are. Where is this “relationship” going? She hopes he’s not using her for sex!? :-O

Julie is consumed by this and wants to ask him, but she doesn’t know how to approach the subject without scaring him off.

What should she do?

My answer:

Julie should do NOTHING!

Firstly, they’ve only been dating a few weeks, so how on earth can he (or she for that matter) possibly know where this is headed??

Also, does she feel amazing in his presence? Does he treat her right? Does he initiate contact and say really lovely things to her?

I have a shocking fact to tell you too: Pretty much ALL men want sex! I know, I know, it’s a surprise, right???

But here’s the thing…

Yes, they all want sex, but some eventually want more than that. It’s just that many (most?) won’t know that with you straight away. It might take them a few months before they realise that you’re “the one” (or not) for them.

So this could go one of two ways…

  1. After a while they’ll realise that you’re not “the one” and the relationship will end. Julie in this example, will think he was using her for sex. And maybe he was. Or maybe he wasn’t. The only person who knows for sure is him – and he may not even know! Confusing huh?
  2. Because every time you spend together is a positive and fun experience for the both of you, he will want more of the same experiences and he will want to see more and more of you. He will eventually realise that he cannot bear anybody else snapping you up, so will do what he needs to do to stop that happening!

Alright so what can Julie do in the meantime?

  1. Julie should remain focused on NOW! How does she feel with him? Is it good? Does he cherish her and show her that he cares about her? If so, why change it?
  2. If she’s not already, she really needs to be dating other men. If she’s sleeping with this guy, she could remain sexually exclusive with him if that feels better, but her focus should not be targeted solely at this guy, who right now is an “unknown entity” until he reveals his feelings.
  3. Julie really needs to stay focused on her. What feels good to her? What can she do when she’s not with this guy? She really needs to fill her life so thoughs of him are only fleeting.
  4. When Julie sees him or hears from him, she needs to be warm and open toward him. Make every interaction as positive as possible, and he will want more of the same. Although be careful not to become a doormat. If he’s doing something that you really feel uncomfortable with, tell him “I feel uncomfortable about xxx…”
  5. Julie should find her purpose in life and focus on that purpose. Why is she on this planet?

The thing is, I’ve watched enough of those reality shows where there’s a bunch of women fighting for the same guy (personally, I could not think of anything worse than lowering myself to that level), and each and every time I cringe when one of the girls confronts the guy about his intentions and “where this is going”.

You can see the guy physically pull back from her like she’s just revealed she has some exotic disease and passed it onto him for his enjoyment! It’s actually quite sad.

Guys don’t like being put on the spot like that. Ever.

If he wants you to himself badly enough, he knows what to do…! 😉


  1. One thing I should add here is that men don’t want to feel “trapped” or tied down. Let them lead and they’ll feel “free” and not like you’re about to lock ’em in a cage!

    One thing to remember also is this: A man’s timeline is almost always very different to ours. Just sayin’…. :)

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