Should we stay together for the sake of our children?

“Should we stay together for the sake of our children?”   My answer to that is “It depends”.

You would not be asking this question if your relationship wasn’t in trouble, so whether you see it or not, your children are being affected by this.  This should be your main concern.

So should you stay and try to work things out?  Or should you leave and start a new life?

You also have a third option… you can choose to do nothing.

It’s the third option that I believe will cause the most harm to your children.  What you are doing by choosing to do nothing, is teaching your children that it’s ok to be miserable.  It’s ok to live in a loveless and/or abusive marriage.  Life really does suck and it’s ok if you just put up with it and do nothing about it… yuk….

Do you really want your children believing that??  I didn’t think so…

So your only two options are to:

  1. Stay and try to work things out – and this means actually doing something!  It could be that you both go to counseling, or you could seek coaching, or you may even try some new techniques you learned in a book or online.  Be honest with yourself though and note any progress (if any) made.  Don’t kid yourself into believing that it’s working when it’s clearly not.  Try something else if what you’re doing isn’t working.  Are you starting to feel happier?  If not, then you may need to try something else.  Your kids will feel it when you’re not happy.  Remember that…
  2. Leave and start a new life – this is hard.  I’ve done it twice, so can pretty much call myself an expert on the subject.  The decision to leave must be made when you really do think the relationship has no hope.  In my case, both times I knew I no longer loved my husband, and the second one I couldn’t trust either.  Too much damage was done before I made my decision.  Although I know that if I’d taken action sooner, then Option 1 would have been my preference.  But by the time my decision was made, it was too late to save the relationship and I figured that my children were better off with two happy, separate parents than they were with two miserable, together parents.  Never leave unless you’re absolutely sure it’s what you want to do.  To keep changing your mind and to keep going back will only upset your children more.

No matter what you decide, you must go by how you truly and honestly feel inside.  Are you happy or not?  Are things improving or not?

No choice is going to be an easy one to follow through with, but choice #3 should not even be an option if you truly want your children to be happy.

No matter what your choice however, please, please, please put your safety and that of your children first!

You are all precious and deserve to be happy.  xx

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