Should I initiate contact with a man I just started dating?

loveflowers250I’ve been chatting to some girlfriends about dating, and chasing men in particular, and there was some debate about what’s “ok” and what isn’t when it comes to initiating contact…

Some people tell you that initiating ANY type of contact with a man is chasing and it’ll send him running. But I don’t believe that… well it depends…

Ok, so there are some women who insist on initiating almost every contact with a man they’ve just started dating. In fact, he’s yet to initiate contact with her because she’s doing that job so well! The poor guy is likely to feel a whole lot of pressure from her, plus he’s starting to think that he doesn’t need to make much effort at all, because she’s doing all the work. Easy for him!

This may get her the response she wants initially, but in the long run he may lose interest, will definitely not put in as much effort as he should, or he may even run for the hills.

So does this mean that she should never initiate contact with the guy she just started dating? Not at all, as long as she follows by these guidelines:

  1. Don’t be all “in his face” all the time, 24/7 – this feels like pressure to him. He needs his own space, especially while you’re getting to know each other.
  2. NEVER initiate contact if you have expecations around whether you want him to reply and the type of reply you would like to receive. Do this and you’ll very likely feel disappointed.
  3. Sometimes a guy just needs a little hint that you’re interested, so while you should express your interest, don’t take it too far – remember, you only just started dating! You are NOT about to walk down the aisle, right???
  4. Once you’ve initiated that contact, PLEASE do not sit by your phone, waiting for a response! Put your phone down and go do something productive. Take your mind off him!
  5. At all times keep your focus on you. Too much focus on him will only drive you crazy and it’ll shift your vibe in the wrong direction.

Ok, so go send that “Hi, how have you been?” message if you really must, but once you’re done, go do something else, and if he replies, great. If not, so what? It’s not like you’ve been married for 10 years – this is just a new dating thing! :-)

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