How to cope with a long distance relationship

I never thought I’d find myself in a long distance relationship (LDR), but here I am…in a long distance relationship.

I’ve done the verbally and emotionally abusive relationship, cheaters, men who won’t commit, guys who go back to an ex, or are too hung up on someone who doesn’t feel the same way about them, flakes, those who just wanted “one thing”, and the list goes on… but I never thought I’d end up with the LDR to deal with.

I remember I started dating a guy a little while back who lived a 35 minute drive away. That was too far.

I also remember dating a guy who lived over an hour away. No way was I going there!!

And now here I am, living 12,640km away from where my man lives. What on earth am I thinking??

To give him some credit, he’s currently around 434km away from me right now, working in “work prison” as he calls it. So he’s only 434km away (that’s over 6 hours of driving, by the way), but he’s not allowed out and I’m not allowed in. Hmmm…

Ok, so how do I do this and remain sane?

Let me give you a bit of history about this guy first…

We were introduced via one of my Facebook friends. I found out later that she and my guy were actually once an item and even lived together! Ok that’s kind of weird, but such is life!

He was coming to Brisbane to attend training for a new job. So she messaged me, telling me she had a friend coming to Brisbane and I had to meet him. She said to him that she had a friend in Brisbane and he should meet me!

So on 11 November 2013, we had our first meeting at a restaurant/bar in the city.

As soon as I laid eyes on him, I knew there was something good about him. We clicked instantly and although at the time I had no expectations or hopes that things would go anywhere with him, I felt an instant connection.

He took me out for dinner/drinks almost every night for the two weeks he was here, and it was on night #4 that he made his move… 😉

After the two weeks were up, he had to fly away, to “work prison”. He told me he would miss me, and kissed me goodbye. I wasn’t sure whether I’d see him again, but I was already smitten. Plus he’s hot. Plus he’s a really, really nice guy… sigh….

So when he was due to fly back home to Canada, we arranged to meet up at the airport as he came through. It was a fleeting visit, and we only had 30 minutes together. But it was sooo romantic! I literally floated out of there!

When he arrived home, he texted to let me know, and then for a week I heard nothing.

Of course I feared the worst, and then I felt angry, thinking he had a girlfriend over there, and blah blah blah. I was letting all my doubts overrule my head. It was then that I realised that I needed to start dating others again.

He’d not committed to me or promised me a single thing, so why was I putting all my eggs in the one basket? So I put myself back out there. I seriously needed to shift my vibe.

It must’ve worked, because he started making contact again, and I was even pleasantly surprised to wake up on Christmas morning to a message from him. I wasn’t expecting it, especially with the totally different time zones.

But still I continued to date others…

When he came back to Australia a few weeks later, he didn’t arrange to catch up with me, so although I was a little upset, I focused on the guys who were stepping up and taking me out and wining and dining me. It’s all I could do to stop those negative voices in my head!

But one thing changed when he arrived back here. He started messaging more frequently, and then in late January he surprised me to say he was coming to see me – for a WEEK!

I was soooo excited! We had our week together and it was amazing. I was able to take some time off work, and we had a good few days to really get to know each other better.

I was sooo sad to see him go but he was going back home to see his children. Being a mother myself, I know there’s not going to be any easy solution for us, because I have children too.

Anyway, while he was back home, he kept up the contact and was in fact a LOT more attentive than ever before. It was a nice surprise. :)

Then along came Valentine’s Day. Well it was VDay for me, but not for him, so nothing really happened. I received the usual good morning/good night text, but that was it. I wasn’t expecting too much anyway, and later found out that it was actually his last days back home and he was rushing around to get things done.

But the following morning, when it was VDay for him, he asked me if I would be his – he wanted me to be his, and his alone. I said yes (of course).

The following day he called me on FaceTime and we chatted – he was on his way back, a few days early, but would only have an hour spare at the airport. I was going to be there, no matter what!!!!

As things turned out, we ended up with 3.5 hours together, and I enjoyed every moment!

He’s back in “work prison” now, and will be there for the next month. Upon his return we will get four days together, before he flies back.

And I’m ok with that!

So… how am I doing this and staying sane, after all that?

Here’s some ideas that may help you if you’re in a similar situation:

  • Drop the agenda – a LDR is going to make things move slow… VERY slow. So if you’re wanting things to happen yesterday (yes, I know we all want that!), you’re going to have to drop it.
  • Let him lead things – don’t try to force things beyond where he is ready. If he’s not ready, he won’t move things forward. If he is, then you will see progress.
  • Stay focused on the progress rather than how slow things are moving, no matter how insignificant it seems – any progress is progress. A LDR means that things will progress slower than if you lived near each other. Be prepared for snail’s pace progress!
  • Get a life! – Get busy in your own life. Visit friends and family, bury yourself in your hobbies and passions, platonically date others (if your guy has claimed you) or romantically date others (if he hasn’t).
  • Before you go about sending him long, in depth, emails about your feelings for him, write it, save it, then dig it out in a week and re-read it. Then delete it. You’re welcome.

Oh and one last thing…

Remember that he is not the only guy in the world who is as wonderful as he is. And he’s nowhere near as wonderful as you are, so if things don’t work out, it’s his loss and you know there’s better out there for you.

Don’t make him responsible for your happiness – that’s yours to create and own yourself.

xxx

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