How do you know he’s “the one”?

Those of you who know me, will be aware of my interesting love life over the last 20+ years and I’ve often wondered why “the one” has alluded me. Why can’t I just meet “the one” and be done with it, like my parents did??

I’ve been abused, cheated on, had men go back to exes, a couple fled the country, and the list goes on, but I knew that each and every one of those men came into my life for a reason. Here are a couple of examples….

Some time after meeting my first husband, I thought he was “the one”.

He and I met when I was not in a great place emotionally, and my self esteem was rather low. He came along and pursued me like no man had ever done, and to be honest, I think it was that pursuit that sucked me in!

There were many good times with this man, however when the verbal and emotional abuse started, things started to turn toxic and in the end I had to walk away, at least for the sake of our daughter.

What I learned from that relationship was an understanding of how little I valued myself at the time. There’s no way I would tolerate such treatment today as I know I’m worthy of so much better than that.

The thing is, I attracted a man who was on the same “level” as I was. I felt bad about myself, so I attracted a man who would say and do things that would make me feel bad.

The relationship did however mean the creation of my beautiful daughter, so no matter how painful it was, the nine years I had with him taught me a lot and from it, I received the most beautiful gift.

Ok, so he was “the one” for me at the time….but not for a lifetime…

Next husband was, and still is a very good man. Again he was quite the pursuer, and he treated me so so well – compared to my previous husband, this guy was like the complete opposite, which was exactly what I needed! He was clearly into me, and was not shy in telling me so. He also gelled with my daughter extremely well. He became the father she never had (her father kind of opted out of her life on several occasions).

Things didn’t work out with him either, but he gave my daughter the precious gift of being a father figure for her, and is still there for her if she needs him. We also had a daughter together – yet another precious gift.

Our relationship had to end after 8 years for various reasons, but bottom line is that neither of us were happy. We remain on good terms today, however we’re just not meant to be.

So he was “the one” for me at the time, and he gave my daughter something her own father deprived her of. That is special.

Fast forward to over 3 months ago when I was introduced to the most incredibly amazing and wonderful man I’ve ever met, and I realise that my experiences of the past have made me who I am today, and they’ve prepared me for this meeting.

The old me would not have been right for this man, and he tells me he wouldn’t have been right for me either.

We’ve been working on ourselves over several years to get us to this point, and we can both honestly say that we are now our best selves.

I loved my life before he came along, and I love it even more now that he’s in it. Life with him in it is easy, calm, happy and fun. We have fun together, we respect each other, and we love that each of us has our own separate passions.

It’s only early days for us, but is he “the one”?

My gut says he is. It doesn’t mean we’re going to last forever (although I hope we do!), but it does mean that right now, he’s enhancing my already wonderful life, and I’m happy to see where that takes us!

I personally think that some people are lucky to find “the one” for life, just like my parents did. I also think that some people will have several “the ones” over their lifetime, until you’ve become the best version of yourself.

What do you think? Is this something you agree with, or do you have a different perspective?

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