Domestic Violence – Should I get out?

Being caught up in a domestic violence situation is not a situation anyone wants to be in.

I have found over time that my articles on domestic violence receive a lot of views and this concerns me in a way because it probably means there are people in this situation who are looking for answers.  It could also be that the friends and family of those caught in an abusive relationship are searching for ways to help their friends.

I came across a forum post from a woman was telling us that as she typed, her husband was lying unconscious and drunk in the bathroom and it was only 7.30pm.  What really made her angry was that they had a young son together and he had witnessed his father coming home drunk, then vomiting everywhere.  Not very nice at all.

The number of responses from women who had all been in similar situations was astounding, although one response in partcular I found to be very valuable.

All of the women suggested that this woman put her foot down with her husband and tell him that enough was enough (he was doing this regularly and after apologising and telling her he wouldn’t do it again, was continuing on the cycle – this is also typical of abusers) and give him an ultimatum.   But the last response was probably the most important of all.  While this was in response to a question around an alcohol problem, this could be applied to abuse situations, or drug addition.

She offered the following advice:

  • Her son’s safety had to come first, regardless of whether she left him or stayed.  If he wasn’t abusive before, he could become abusive if he felt his way of life was being threatened.
  • Get as much support from family and friends as you can – you’re going to need it!
  • Be sure that you have copies (and originals) of all important documents, such as bank account details, birth certificates, marriage certificates, etc and have a friend or relative keep these safe for you.
  • The same goes for photos and other sentimental items – things could get ugly, so it is best to be prepared.
  • Contact your local support group (there are plenty around that support the families of abusers, alcoholics or addicts)

Getting out of any relationship is always difficult, but if you have the right support around you, then the load will feel significantly lighter.

You know deep down inside whether you should stay or go, but always remember to consider your safety and that of your children (if you have any) first.  I cannot stress this enough.

Comments

  1. Hi,
    I just wanted to share some of my experience with Domestic Violence. About 4 years ago I was assaulted by my now ex – we were together for 13 years, we broke up but he still fed me the lines these guys do to keep me very much attached/
    This man broke my nose and caused me irreversible facial damage. I was watched for brqain damage – Not only did he give me that experience to live with – but he shared it with my children as he did it in front of them, he gave us all emotional scars. Oh – It was finally an end to a turbulent violent relationship though.
    If you are in a relationship I suggest you look to the future. Do you want to keep going til something makes it stop – either injury, breakdown or death?
    You are only given one life – a functional relationship is that that allows you to truly be who you are and its non abusive and supportive.
    I was 18 and am now 36 – this man took some great years of my life – but luckily enough I survived my injuries (not without other issues I might add) and I am now on my road to recovery.
    I survived and am a survivor :)

    • Kim, firstly I wanted to congratulate you on your strength for getting out of that relationship.

      You are so right when you say that you should look into the future if you’re in a relationship, especially one such as the one you were in.

      If people do that then maybe they will realise that if they don’t do something about it now, then they could spend the rest of their life (which may be cut short) like this.

      Thank you so much for sharing your story and I wish you all the happiness for your future.

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