What to do if somebody is trying to bring you down

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Have you ever felt that no matter what you do, a certain person will always put you down?

Many years ago, I was married quite unhappily to a man who did not have a single nice thing to say to me. It really hurt, and over time, my self confidence took a beating, to the point where I had almost none left!

Why was he doing this? Why couldn’t he see me for the good and loving person that I was?? I just couldn’t work it out!

I didn’t have the answer at the time, so I stuck around for many years, hoping that some day he would wake up and realise how good he had it, and he’d miraculously start to treat me like he cherished me, as any woman would want to be treated. Obviously we all know how that went, and I ended up walking (more like running!) away.

Oh if only I knew then what I do now! And I sadly see this happening everywhere!

What I now know is that this man was sooo down on himself and lacking in self esteem, that he kept picking on everything I did as his way of bringing me down, as he knew on some level (likely subconscious) that he was below me. He KNEW I could do better, but he didn’t want me to work that out!

My partner’s ex also used to beat him down emotionally too, as she was so lacking in self esteem, that she needed to keep him down with her, so she could maintain control over him.

So what do you do if somebody keeps trying to bring you down?

My first answer would be to gain the awareness of what they’re doing and observe – note when they’re acting this way and how they’re trying to make you feel bad. If you can understand why somebody does certain things, it helps you to deal with it. Also, they can’t make you feel bad – you have a choice about how to feel in these situations!

Next, you need to stop letting them drag you into that hole they’re in. If it’s a friend or acquaintance, it’s easy – just distance yourself from them. But if it’s a significant other, you have a problem, because many of these people don’t like to admit that they have a problem.

If you’re in a relationship with somebody who does this, try these:

  • Ask them to stop, and leave the room – they can’t bring you down if you’re not in the room with them!
  • Is this a deal breaker? If so, and there’s no chance they’ll become voilent with you, tell them to stop or you’re outta there as you don’t deserve to be treated that way! If there is a chance of violence, then girl, what the hell are you still doing there?? GET OUT!!!
  • Focus on building up your own confidence as much as possible. The more confident you get, the less chance they’ll have to keep bringing you down to their level.
  • This person likely needs to get some help. But it’s got to be something they want to do.
  • Get busy – the less time you spend with that energy drainer, the better. When they ask why you’re so busy all of a sudden, be honest with them. Tell them you don’t like how they’re putting you down, so you’d rather focus on things that make you happy. They’ll either change their tune, or they won’t.

To be honest, most of these types of people won’t own the fact that they have a problem, and in most cases, you’re better off walking away. But… some won’t be aware of what they’ve been doing and will work to correct this behaviour. If you are dealing with the latter, that’s great! You can be there to support them and you may notice a really wonderful and positive change.

If you’re dealing with the former, those who won’t admit they have an problem or see what they’re doing as an issue (they’ll likely tell you you’re an idiot for feeling bad, because they “didn’t mean it” or words to that effect), then it’s going to be a case of accept or reject. Accept it and live your life being treated that way and be ok with it, or reject it, walk away and find somebody who will cherish you instead.

I chose to walk and am happy I did. <3

What do I do if somebody is trying to bring me down?

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inner peaceIt’s a sad fact that you’re going to meet people in your life who seem like they’re out to destroy your happiness.

The thing is, there is absolutely nothing you can do to control their behaviour, but there’s everything you can do to control your response to their behaviour, and this is the key to long-lasting happiness and inner peace.

These people who try to bring you down, do so because they know on some level (usually subconsciously) that they are below you. So what they’re doing is a tactic to bring you to their level in order to make themselves feel better. The problem with this is that it never works to resolve their negative, toxic feelings, and actually feeds their sadness. They’re in a terrible vicious cycle, and unless they change the way they think, they will stay there indefinitely.

So… what do we do about it? How do we control our responses to the behaviours of these types of people so that they can’t destroy our happiness and inner peace?

Here are a few things you can do:

  1. Be aware that they are only doing this because they’re below you.
  2. Be aware that they are not happy in their life, otherwise they wouldn’t be trying to destroy your inner peace.
  3. Know that only YOU can control YOU, and they cannot control you in any way, unless you let them.
  4. Focus on all of the good things you have in your life, write in your gratitude journal every day, noting down all of the things you have that you are grateful for.
  5. Make a point to focus on your happiness and on your goals, every single day.
  6. When you notice you’re starting to think about that person or you feel their energy affecting you, say “STOP!” in your mind, then focus on something uplifting, like a good book, on nature, or your family.
  7. Do what you can to avoid being around that person who is trying to bring you down.
  8. Go for a walk in nature, or work out your frustrations at the gym!
  9. Crank up some uplifting music, and dance and sing along.
  10. Run yourself a warm bath, turn on some relaxing music, and force yourself to think of positive things.

Obviously there’s a lot more you can do than this, but this is a start. Really, what you need to be doing is focus on the good, turn your back on the bad, and avoid anybody that drains your energy, as much as you can.

Here’s to positive thoughts and energy coming your way! <3

How to get yourself out of a funk

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IMG 9950Have you ever had one of those weeks where you’ve lost all motivation to do anything productive, and you’ve really just lost interest in most things?

Yup me too!

A month ago, I finished working for the company I’d been with for 3 years. I received a nice little payout, but not enough to bring me early retirement (dammit), so I decided to have a week or two off, then seriously start looking for more work.

In that time, I’ve applied for several jobs, attended a couple of interviews, and I have an interview this week. Yay! I know something is coming, but the last week or so I have been feeling like I’m in a bit of a “funk”. I don’t feel depressed as such, but I’ve felt a little lost and down about things, and like I’m not “contributing”…

To make matters worse, for most of last week, I did pretty much NOTHING! Yup, that’s right. Nothing! And I felt a little guilty about it too.

Each day I would wake up, I’d take a shower (hey at least I was doing that!), I would dress in comfy, stretchy clothes (nothing I would go out in public in!) and for the rest of the day I wouldn’t do very much at all (well…nothing productive), and it was starting to bring me down. Juice Plus Complete

So… today I decided to do something different! I needed to get out of this funk, and the best way to do that is to do something different – I needed to do something to take care of me, too!

Here’s what I did today!

  1. I got out of bed and cooked my fella and I some breakfast.
  2. I took a shower, I got dressed, and I applied my Younique makeup. I didn’t have anywhere fancy to go, but hey – if you look good, you feel good, right?? I also played around with the new mascara I just received in the mail.
  3. I drank some Juice Plus + Complete (Dutch chocolate flavour!), as a healthy mid morning snack! This stuff is sooo full of goodness!
  4. I drove to the shop to buy food for the week, with the plan to cook up some healthier snacks for the kids who love their junk wayyy too much! I even bought some food to cook up for Fluffy, my dog. She’s one lucky doggy!
  5. I came home, I put the groceries away, I cranked up the music, and I worked out! YEAH!!! It felt sooooo good, and I didn’t push myself too hard. I just did enough so that I felt I’d pushed my body a little.
  6. I started cooking up some snacks for the kids. Later today I will cook up some more snacks, as we’ve decided that the usual shop-bought food we’ve been buying isn’t what we want to continue to give them. Half the time you don’t even know what the ingredients are, so best we cook for them ourselves.IMG 9955

So… how do I feel after all of that? I feel AMAZING!!!

It’s incredible how a change in routine can really help to remove that funk, and I’ve loved having the music up so that I can enjoy my cooking while bopping along. Very very awesome!

Empowerment of women… Is this a good thing?

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You may be reading the title of this post, and if you’re a woman, you’re likely thinking “Well of course it is!”

On the other hand, you could be a man who’s reading this, and you’ve just managed to free yourself from a relationship with a woman who emotionally beat you into a pulp over many years, and you’re thinking “No way!!!”

The thing is, the whole empowerment of women thing, is actually a very good thing. Why? Let me tell you….!

For me, being empowered is about taking ownership of where I am and where I’m headed. It’s about taking responsibility for my own actions and for the decisions I make in my life.

It’s not about playing the victim or passing blame to another person for where I am in my life.

I have an ex husband who treated me pretty badly, and for nine years I put up with it. Who’s fault was it that I was verbally abused for nine years?

It was MY fault!

Why?

The first time was his fault, but when I stuck around, I was sending him a very clear message to keep doing it, because there were no consequences for him if he did. So he kept doing it. Why would he stop? He didn’t need to as he was getting something out of it (more on that stuff in a later post).

Until one day, I woke up and realised I was sending a pretty awful message to my daughter (the message was that it was ok for a woman to be treated that way, because I’d been putting up with this treatment for so long), so I finally woke up to myself and I took my power back, and I left.

THAT was what being empowered was all about. It was about taking responsibility for where I was, and it was about doing something about it!

I didn’t beat him down, I didn’t tell my daughter how horrible he was, I didn’t cause scenes whenever I saw him. I just accepted that he was who he was, and that he wasn’t for me. I also accepted the fact that it was totally on me that I stayed with him for that long.

So how have I benefited from being empowered?

Well… I’m a million times happier since leaving him. My daughter was removed from a toxic environment. I found somebody a gazillion times better. I have the life I always wanted. I have the relationship I’ve always dreamed of. I live in a happy home. I have a happy life. :)

So becoming this empowered woman was what turned my life around, and it wasn’t at the expense of my former husband or of anybody around me. That’s what being empowered is all about! :)

How can I reduce anxiety and stress, and what does gravity have to do with it?

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You’re probably reading the title of this post and wondering what I’m going on about, right?

Well… gravity (or at least thinking about it) has a LOT to do with reducing anxiety and stress, as it is all about how you frame situations you are facing.

In order to make some sense, I will tell a story now, and hopefully it will all come together for you!

Back in the year 2000, I was working for one of Australia’s major banks and had been working there for almost 5 years. One day, we were all called into a meeting – that is, several hundred of us were all called into a meeting! My coworkers and I knew something was up!

It turns out they were moving operations to another state and our office was closing down. We had the option to request a transfer, otherwise our positions were being made redundant and we would need to seek work elsewhere. I was pretty happy about this news, as it meant a fresh new start for me, however some of my coworkers were extremely upset.

To help us to cope with the upcoming change, the bank set up various “educational” sessions. In one such session they brought in a man to speak to us.

What he had to say was something I will never forget and it’s helped me to deal with so many stressful situations in my life – what he said was freaking awesome! And here goes (I hope I can do his words justice)!
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Have you ever heard of gravity?

That’s right, it’s that “thing” that keeps you stuck to the ground, it’s that thing that stops you floating off into space. It’s that thing that makes my pen drop from one hand to the other (at this point he demonstrates holding his right hand up while holding a pen, and then he lets go of it. His left hand is ready to catch the falling pen).

See that? Gravity just made my pen drop into my left hand. That’s what gravity does!

Right.. so we all know what gravity is and what it does. So hands up anybody who spends hours upon hours each day, worrying about gravity.

He drops the pen from one hand to another again.

Anybody?

No hands are raised.

So nobody spends hours each day worrying about gravity, huh? We all know it exists and what it does, but we spend no time at all worrying about it, because it just “is”! It’s just there, we have no control over it, it makes things fall, it keeps us stuck to the earth, and it makes our boobs sag!

The audience agrees.

Ok… so we know it is there and we know we can’t control it, so we don’t spend any energy worrying about it… because worrying about it won’t make it go away, will it? It’s just there. It just IS.

The audience agrees again.

Ok, so why do we spend so much time worrying about other events and “things” in our lives that we have no control over…?

The audience is silent, possibly pondering this very good question!

Surely worring about those won’t make them go away either, right?

Again the audience is silent.

You see, so many of us spend all of our time worrying about events or things we have absolutely no control over. Why do we do that?

We know that worrying about it won’t change it or make it go away. We know that worrying about it won’t fix things. So why do we spend all of our time worrying about it, when instead we should be working out how we deal with the situation!!!

So here’s my pen (holds up pen). I know gravity will make it drop, so what do I do? I get my other hand ready to catch it! That’s how I’m dealing with gravity! Saggy boobs? Wear a supportive bra!

Can you see where I’m getting at here?

Here you all are, facing redundancies as your jobs are moving to another state. You can spend all of your time worrying about it, or you can instead put your energy into working out how to deal with it!

How many of you have started applying for new jobs? Maybe you wanted to start your own business, and this is your opportunity to do so!

You have no control over the decision your employer has made, but you sure as hell can control what you do about it from this point on! Worrying about it will not change the fact that your employer has made this decision, so it’s now time to think about what you CAN control and what you can do about this situation!

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By now you’ve probably worked out how life changing this concept was for me. I no longer sweat the small stuff. I no longer stress about situations I can’t control. I also no longer worry about other people’s actions, as I have absolutely no control over them either. Instead I focus on what I can control and what I can do about a situation!

So no matter what your situation, whether it’s the loss of a job due to redundancy like what happened to me, your guy cheated on you, or you failed that test… you can’t control those things, just as I couldn’t. But you can control what you do about it and how you react to it.

  • Lost your job? Start a job hunt asap!
  • Your guy cheated on you? Reflect on your part in the relationship and work on what you can do better next time (fyi there are no excuses for cheating, and I’ll never condone it, however it’s always good to reflect on how you can enter the next relationship as a better person), forgive him for being dumb enough to lose the best thing he ever had, and put yourself back out there! Or instead, choose to spend more time with your girlfriends and pamper yourself for once.
  • Failed the test? Nothing can change the fact that you have failed the test. Can you re-sit the test? If so, study MUCH hdarder! If not, you’ve learned a big lesson and you’ll need to take it on the chin. What else CAN you do to get past this?

I think I’ve rambled on for long enough, but I think you get the idea. Focus on what you can control, not on what you can’t!

What to do if things aren’t going your way

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I’ve been in this situation so many times when things don’t seem to be going my way. In the past I would feel frustrated, upset or angry. But now? It’s a completely different story!

Here’s the thing….

I know there are some things in life that I cannot control, so I don’t spend an ounce of energy worrying, crying, getting angry or upset about it. Instead I ask myself this:

“What else can I do?”

You may not be able to control the situation, but you can control what you do about it!

So if things aren’t going your way right now and you have no control over some or all factors, what else can you do? Focus on that instead of the problem, and you will go a long way towards improving your life! xxx

A belated happy new year!

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After a rollercoaster of a 2015, I am really looking forward to what’s to come in 2016 and already it’s gotten off to a good start! 😉

I’ve already made some positive changes in my life, signing up for an online exercise bootcamp, and working on improving my diet! I’m not getting any younger, so I know this is something I not only need to do, but also need to stay consistent with.

Consider now as the time to make some positive changes in your life. They don’t have to be significant – any change, big or small, is a good thing!

What changes are you kicking off 2016 with?

The Wheel of Life – How I’m faring so far this year

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wheel of lifeThe life coach in me has done quite a bit of reflecting today, given another year is almost done – can you believe it??

I’m reflecting on the various areas of my life and where they’re at right now, and I thought I would share…

Finance 7/10 – I’m doing ok in that department. Not as well as I would like to be, but my bills are paid, and I have access to a little bit of cash in the case of an emergency. As my social life isn’t so great right now, it’s keeping this number at a 7 and not dropping it to a 6! I need to get better at saving.

Personal Growth 8/10 – I’ve grown a LOT this year! I’ve learned to be happy just being me. This is the first time I’ve felt truly happy and single at the same time! Woah! I need to start setting more goals for myself.

Health 8/10 – Apart from my bout of salmonella poisoning, my heath is pretty good. I know I need to be more active to get this to a 10. Maybe that’ll be one of my new year’s resolutions… 😉

Family 7/10 – I am spending more quality time with my babies these days, but I don’t see enough of my siblings or my parents, although I expect to see more of my family over the coming weeks with Christmas around the corner!

Relationships 2/10 – Yup, things in that department are not great, but this time it’s self imposed. I needed a good 6 months on my own, and I’m 2/3 of the way through that and feeling pretty good!

Social Life 3/10 – I need to see my friends more. It’s my fault I don’t see them as often as I’d like, and it’s up to me to fix that. Another new year’s resolution maybe?

Attitude 9/10 – I always see the positives in any situation, even if there is no positive to see. I’m solutions focused too, so I never get bogged down in the problem but try to find the solution instead. I think my attitude is pretty darn good!

Career 8/10 – I love what I’m doing right now, I love the challenges, and I love how my boss just tells me his vision, then lets me go and work out how it will be achieved, then usually agrees with what I’ve come up with. I need to get better at mentoring my staff, and maybe that will be another challenge I can set in the new year? :)

How are you doing in all of these areas of your life? Where can you improve? What are you doing well?

How to give yourself a positive boost if you’re feeling down

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We all have down days where we have a thought that’s bothering us, or somebody has done something hurtful, or you may be stressed about something at work.

Whatever it is, there are many ways to give yourself an emotional boost if you’re feeling down, such as:

  • Create a gratitude journal and write in it every day. Write down each day 5 things that you are grateful for.
  • Spend your day looking for the positives of every situation.
  • If you’re outdoors, focus on the beauty of nature. Focus on the intricate details of a leaf or a flower.
  • Laugh – there are lots of funny websites you can visit, go visit a friend who makes you laugh, or watch a funny movie.
  • Read something deep and enlightening – I find that reading about the Law of Attraction tends to calm me, as I realise that everything is as it should be and that everything will be ok.

There are so many other things you could do to give yourself a boost, and hopefully one of these will do the trick! :)

2015 and beyond – what are your goals?

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New year is approaching and that’s the time when we all reflect on the year that has past and make plans for the future, right?

So…. let’s start a few days early!

I know that it’s common for a new year’s resolution to be dropped over time, so let’s think about what you want to do LONG term. What do you want to achieve in 5-10 years? What can you do next year to move you closer to that goal?

That’s where my thoughts are right now.

I’ve always had this feeling that I was destined for more than the regular 9-5, and after being offered a redundancy at work in July this year, it really opened my eyes up to how unreliable a job really is. It made me realise that if I don’t do something about creating a secondary stream of income soon, what will happen if I am made redundant again in my current job?

I’ve had a lot to think about! And this is the basis of everything I have decided I need to do this coming year. My future is important to me, and I don’t want to hit 60 or 65 and have nothing. I want to have at the very LEAST, a small nest egg and recurring income to sustain me.

I’ve dabbled in many things over the years and while I love the products I’ve been selling, the whole time it takes to work in those businesses was just too much for me – plus they required that I go out every week and do stand up presentations. Whilst I don’t really suffer from stage fright anymore, the last thing I want to do after working a 12 hour day, is to go out again, stand in front of a dozen or so people, tell them how wonderful the product is (and it is), then deal with a bunch of skeptics.

Nah, I’m leaving that for those with thicker skin and more energy!

So… as I posted earlier in the month, I’ve found a skincare and makeup line that suits me perfectly, and selling it has actually been easier than I thought! Why? Because I use it, I tell my friends, I show them the results, and they are like “Wow!”, and they buy. Two have already joined me in this business, they’re so impressed!

Not only is this product easy to sell, but there was something else about the product line that I loved:

  • Their motto: Living the Younique lifestyle is a commitment to uplifting, empowering, and validating women everywhere. It’s devoting yourself to helping a global family of women realize their potential for personal growth and financial reward. This is in line with what I’ve been trying to do on this site – provide women with a way to empower themselves so that they can make better life choices. Awesome!
  • Their products are not tested on animals, are mostly natural, and they’re AMAZING! As a relative of mine said, “Omgsh Michelle those fiber lashes are amazeballs! So beautiful and long & lush! Pls send me info on how to become a rep!”. Yup it was THAT easy! All she had to do was try them and she fell in love.
  • I can do this thing 100% online. No need to go to somebody’s house and do a “party”, no having to get a bunch of people over so I can do a presentation, none of that. All I have to do is get myself on Facebook and post before and after shots of myself and my lovely customers, answer questions (on Facebook) and post the link to my free website, created by the company! I can do this thing in addition to my job without compromising a thing – and my relationship gets to stay intact too! 😉

So… here’s what I plan to do next month based on all of this, as I’ve decided to set myself up some monthly challenges, which will get me towards my main long-term goal:

  • Continue to promote this business and increase sales. This is a relatively new company, so word is only just starting to get out about it. NOW is the time to get started in this, when it’s just taking off. Who knows where it will end up?? :)
  • Have at least one more person join my team, so I achieve the “Fast Start” award. To achieve this I need to earn 2000 in “PRS points” (these are points allocated with every sale – I’ve already achieved this), and have three new presenters join my team. Last night Presenter #2 joined my team, so I have one to go! Woohoo! And I didn’t have to convince anybody – they asked ME about joining. This is important, because it highlights just how awesome the products are!
  • Focus on achieving Pink status. This company sets you up as a “White status” presenter. The next level is Yellow (I have achieved this and have received a pay rise as a result), followed by Pink. So pink is my next goal! Wooooo!

So that’s my January goals!

If you’re interested in generating an additional income from commission on sales or from building a business that becomes full time, check out http://youniqueproducts.com/Mishy/ for more information. Or contact me and I’ll be happy to answer your questions! :)