Can’t get a decent date? You’re probably the reason why!
April 20, 2008
Ok, that sounds harsh, but think about it. How much fun are you to be around?
If you have low confidence or self esteem, then chances are the people you meet will pick up on it.
I once suffered from low confidence and self esteem, and I am amazed at how this affected the types of guys I attracted into my life. There were some shockers!
Since improving my self esteem, the quality of my dates improved significantly. A while back, I asked a male friend of mine about this and he told me that guys with low self confidence or esteem were too afraid to talk to me because I seemed so confident and they felt intimidated.
So my moral of the story here is this: You attract what you are!
I don’t mean that literally, but more like you attract people who are what you seem to them. Gawd, that sounded confusing…!
How can you tell if your child lacks confidence?
March 24, 2008
Hmmm. This one I ponder because I have two daughters, aged 10 and 1. Whilst it’ll be a while before I have too much to worry about with my younger daughter, I am compelled to ensure my older daughter doesn’t go down the road that I did.
So how can a parent tell if their child lacks self confidence? I have no idea!
I suppose it might be a case of watching how they interact with others, how they go at school, and the types of friends they have. She is only 10, so the “bad” years are yet to come - hopefully her self esteem will be high enough then so she doesn’t make the bad choices I did!
So how does a parent help build a child’s self esteem?
I think there are a few things you can do:
- Praise them for doing well
- Never, EVER put them down
- Always offer encouragement
- Allow them to do things for themselves (as they get older, allow them to make their own lunch, if they want to cook you dinner, let them, and make sure it’s age-appropriate)
- Punish them for doing the wrong thing where appropriate (we usually ban her from using the computer for a week, or we might take something else away)
- Don’t go over the top with punishment or praise that matter. You need to keep it at a good balance.
- Tell you love them and appreciate them - Often!
A child that knows they are loved and appreciated will always have more confidence than a child who experiences no love or appreciation in the home.
Depression in men
March 23, 2008
With all that’s going on in my family right now, I thought I’d talk about the subject of depression in men. Why am I talking about this on a site called Self Confidence 101? Well I think low confidence and self esteem can be very closely related to depression. If you’re depressed, you’re very unlikely to feel confident about taking on a new task.
Depression affects both men and women, but usually men and women respond differently.
Because men are less likely than women to talk about their moods or how they feel emotionally, their depression is often not picked up. If it isn’t detected, it cannot be treated and can then become severe and disabling.
Depression is a common, serious illness
Depression is more than just a low mood – it’s a serious illness that requires attention. People with depression find it hard to manage everyday activities. Depression can have serious effects on physical as well as mental health.
Depression is a known high risk factor for suicide. From 1998 to 2002, the suicide rate in Australia was four times higher in men than women.
Symptoms of depression:
A person may be depressed if they have felt sad, down or miserable most of the time, or lost interest in the things they usually enjoy, for more than two weeks.
Here is a list of other possible symptoms:
General slowing down or restlessness
Neglecting responsibilities and not looking after yourself
Withdrawing from family and friends
Becoming confused, worried and agitated
Inability to find pleasure in any activity
Finding it difficult to get motivated in the morning
Behaving differently from usual
Denying depressive feelings – this can be used as a defense mechanism
Indecisiveness
Loss of self-esteem (see?!)
Persistent suicidal thoughts
Talking negatively e.g. ‘I’m a failure’, ‘ It’s my fault’, ‘Life isn’t worth living’
Worrying about finances
Perceived change of status within the family
Moodiness or irritability – this can come across as anger or aggression
Sadness, hopelessness or emptiness
Feeling overwhelmed, worthless or guilty
Sleeping more or less than usual
Feeling tired all the time
Unexplained headaches, backache or similar complaints
Digestive upsets, nausea, changes in bowel habits
Agitation, hand-wringing, pacing
Loss or change of appetite
Significant weight loss or gain.
If after reading this list you feel you may be suffering from depression, then please get help - you might be surprised at how much better life could be, once you are treated!
Happy anniversary to me!
March 19, 2008
It’s my 3rd wedding anniversary today and to celebrate I bought my husband a boring card and although I told him I didn’t want anything (I really didn’t want anything), he bought me some lovely gold earrings. Hmm. Who got the better deal? I did!
I don’t take total blame for this situation though. He knows (and I tell him often!) that he cannot go wrong if he buys me clothing, jewelry, or perfume. He tells me he doesn’t know what he wants, so how on earth am I supposed to know what to buy him?
Anyway, instead of giving him something material, I gave him lots of hugs and kisses and told him how much I appreciate him. Men like to know they’re appreciated, I have been told!
It’s his birthday in a month, so I’ve got some time up my sleeve to come up with something sensational! Gift ideas anyone??
My Dad
March 15, 2008
My Dad is usually a very upbeat person, telling jokes and making us laugh. But not lately…
Things have been tough lately and unfortunately it has all gotten too much for him and he is quite depressed.
What is a relief is that he knows he isn’t his usual happy self and he’s prepared to do something about it. Many men feel that talking about their problems, or admitting they’re not coping is not the done thing - not my Dad! He is doing something about it and before long he will be back to his old self - hurry up Dad!!! We miss you!!!
I love my Dad dearly although spending time with him right now really drains me emotionally. I suppose when I am around him I am trying to lift his spirits (as well as keeping my own spirits up because I hate seeing him this way), and I find it very frustrating that I can’t help him. I know he hates feeling the way he does too.
Sometimes it’s easier said than done to lift your spirits just by focusing on what you want, rather than your problems. I just hope I get my happy old Dad back soon!
I wish I wasn’t so emotionally involved - maybe then I could use some of my coaching skills on him!
Relationship tip
March 6, 2008
I don’t know what made me think of this, but here I am telling you about a tip I was given a little while ago.
This tip is all about improving your relationship with your significant other and it’s easy.
All you have to do is think about what it is you love about your partner, and think of one thing you can do for them to let them know you love them (you have to follow through and actually do it too!).
Try to do this daily, and see if it makes a difference!
Happy Valentine’s Day!
February 14, 2008
Happy Valentine’s Day everybody!
Many couples will be heading out tonight for a romantic meal or whatever, although there are those who don’t have that special someone in their life.
Based on statistics I’ve taken on the subject, there are a large number of people out there who are looking for someone to love, but many are afraid to ask someone out.
I have talked before about how your self confidence and self esteem can really affect the type of person you attract. Also, it can determine whether you have the courage to even get out there and look!
If you are single and lacking in courage or self esteem, think about the message you are putting across. The "old" me would have settled for someone who lacked confidence or self esteem, however the "new" me definitely would not. That’s not because I feel I am "better" or "superior" to them, but because they would not be in tune with me or my personality.
A few years ago when I became single after 9 years, my attitude had changed significantly from 9 years before, so the type of person I was looking for was very different. I ended up marrying a person who was the complete opposite to my former husband!
I promise you that if you improve your self esteem, you will change the type of people you attract. If you don’t like what you’re attracting, have a good look at yourself and work to change it.
The Secret to a Good Relationship
February 9, 2008
While in Thailand at an internet marketing workshop recently, I met a couple who specialised in relationship counseling. I sat with this couple at lunch one day and that is when I learned of a wonderful secret (ok, it’s not really a secret, but I wonder if everyone knows this!?).
To have a good relationship:
She needs to feel Cherished, Cared for and for the life of me, I can’t remember the third!!!??? (I will edit this post once I’ve worked it out!)
He needs to feel Admired, Acknowledged and Appreciated.
I’ll talk more about this in future posts I think!
There is always someone worse off than you…
December 20, 2007
I had a heartbreaking decision to make today, and that was the decision to go back to working for someone else. Ok, it wasn’t really heartbreaking but I wasn’t happy about it! While I am really disappointed with how things have turned out, I know the sky will remain intact and therefore not fall on my head.
I will of course continue to work on my internet and other pursuits, and in time I will be able to go back to working for myself again - I just know it!
I could choose to delve into a pit of self pity about now, but when I really think about it, there are so many people worse off than I am, so I choose to look at the bright side!
- Thanks to some study I did when working for my last employer, my chances of getting a well-paying job are pretty good
- I can use my commuting time to work on my business
- I will be around more "grownups" so can talk about adult stuff
- My youngest daughter will love day care (she loves the crèche at my gym, so I doubt I’ll have any problems there!)
- Everything I make from my business will be an added bonus
- I will have no money stress!
- I have a roof over my head and food on my table and my husband, my children and myself are all happy and healthy, and that’s what’s most important.
So while my "predicament" isn’t exactly a world disaster, some would choose to make it so, and personally I just couldn’t be bothered wasting so much negative energy on something I cannot control at this point in time. Making the best of a bad situation is sometimes the only option.
Have a great day!
Children with low self esteem value possessions much more than kids with higher self esteem
December 19, 2007
I read an interesting article today that talked about how children with low self esteem valued possessions more then children with higher self esteem and I agree this can be the case. Not only that but it can continue into adulthood.
My former husband had HUGE self esteem issues and he wouldn’t think twice before going out and spending $5000 in one trip to the local shopping centre. I was of course left to answer the phone when creditors called because he had gotten us into so much debt we couldn’t pay our bills, but that’s a whole other story…!
The article went on to mention that the best Christmas gift a parent can give a child is the gift of time. Spend more time with your children, doing things they love to do. Teach them something new, enhancing their competence and thus their self esteem.
Depriving your child of attention can also lead to excessive materialism, I suppose because their needs aren’t being met in other ways.
My husband and I have always made it a point to buy something for our eldest child that can be enjoyed by the whole family, such as a board game or some kind of outdoor activity and this year is no exception. Also, now that I am self employed I am now in a position where I can be home more for my children, so of course this can only be a good thing, as long as our time together is quality time!
Have a great day!
Michelle Green