Archives for May 2015

What to do if you’re single and online dating isn’t for you

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IMG 2264I’ve been single for almost a month now (it feels like longer), and I’m now quite ok with the idea, except that I wasn’t all that thrilled about spending my child free Saturday night at home alone.

I got to thinking that I need to get out more, and at first I thought about dating, but then I realised that if I’m not going out, then my only option is online dating.

I just shuddered at the thought…

I do believe that for many (or even most?) people, online dating is definitely the way to go. Many of my friends have met their gorgeous partners online, and they are very happy. But the thought just makes me cringe!

For starters, I don’t want my coworkers to come accross a profile I’ve set up, and from what I’ve seen, many of the men just don’t cut it in my eyes. Ok it may be just a pic that I’m basing my judgement on, but seriously, it’s much easier to meet someone face to face and make a decision about whether you’d be prepared to date them or not.

Ok, so now what? I don’t want to do online dating, ALL of my friends are in relationships, so it’s not like I have anyone to go out and socialise with, and I’m definitely not going “there” with anyone I work with.

And that’s when a friend of mine reminded me of something: http://meetup.com.

This is a site where you can join groups of like-minded people who are interested in the types of activities you are interested in! It’s not a dating site, although there are “singles” groups, but it WILL get you out of the house and more likely to cross the path of the man of your dreams! In fact, a friend of mine met her man through a Meetup event, and now they’re happily married!

So check out Meetup and see what’s available – you just never know! 😉

“I want to get my ex back” and other ways you can lower your value

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prove your worthAlright… I think this is going to come across quite harshly for some of you, but all too often I see women who are so focused on getting back an ex that dumped them for whatever reason.

He dumped you, remember???

Ok… so being dumped hurts – a lot! I know it becuase it happened to me – on Mother’s Day! OUCH!

But do I want to try and get him back?

Do I want somebody who doesn’t want to be with me???

Uh… NO WAY!!!

There could be a thousand reasons as to why you guys broke up, and it could be because of something you did, or something he did, or in 99.9999% of cases, it was a bit of both.

Either way, he felt compelled to end it with you, and now you’re alone and miserable and you’re now online, trying to find out how you can get this guy back.

Do you seriously want to be with a guy who doesn’t want to be with you? SERIOUSLY??? Do you seriously undervalue yourself that much??

As I mentioned above, my guy called me to dump me on Mother’s Day. Yep it hurt, and yes I was upset, and sad, and all of those things. I chose to keep my dignity intact and I calmly wished him well. I did not beg him to change his mind, and I am NOT looking for a way to get him back.

He may now be gone from my life forever, and I know I have to be ok with that. In fact, I AM ok with that. He’s not the last man on earth, and I’m positive that my relationship with him has helped me to grow in so many ways, even though it only lasted a short time.

But there is no way on this earth that I will lower myself to convince a man as to why he should be with me. If he doesn’t want to be with me, that is his choice, and it doesn’t matter what the reasons are. Bottom line is, he has made a CHOICE not to be with me, and I have to accept that.

All too soon the next guy will come along to show me why the last didn’t work out.

If you need to prove your worth to a man, that’s the moment you should walk away, as there is better out there for you… xxx

How to move on after a relationship breakup

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I recently spent a few magical days in Canada, and while I was over there, I received a call from my boyfriend.

He was calling to tell me that he was going back to his ex wife. They had separated last year, and we had known each other for close to a decade. We had been seeing each other for a couple of months, and something had happened over the weekend to bring him to this decision.

My intuition had been telling me something was up, and there it was. Wow.

My reaction was calm (I think I was in shock because things had been so great with us until this point), and he asked me why I wasn’t yelling at him. I wasn’t angry at him though, so why yell? Also, what would yelling achieve?? It would only make me feel worse and it wouldn’t bring him to change his mind, so I really didn’t see the point. I needed time to process this information.

So instead I wished him well and told him that I hoped (for his sake) that they were able to finally work things out, even though that meant I was alone yet again.

So here I am now, back home. I’m in my house alone, when we had planned for him to come and stay a few days, so that’s bringing up some sad and lonely feelings for me.

These feelings are ok, as long as I don’t let them consume me. He is just a guy, there are many more out there, and history proves (for me at least) that every new guy that has come into my life, has been an improvement on the last.

This gives me hope, because my boyfriend was wonderful. He was sweet, funny, affectionate, smart, and so much more. His only “fault”, which is actually an important and positive trait, is his dedication to his children.

But for now, it’s important that I don’t fall into a negative slump. Negative energy attracts more negative events, so it’s important that I turn this into a positive. So how do I do that?

Here are some pointers of what you can to do move on from a relationship breakup:

  • Set a new goal and start planning on how you are going to achieve it – I’ve decided to go back to Canada next year, and I want to learn to ski!
  • Focus on gratitude. Write down 5 things you are grateful for every day.
  • Get out of the house – don’t lock yourself away from the world, even if that’s exactly what you want to do.
  • Take care of yourself. Exercise regularly, eat healthy, make sure you look great when you go out. If you look good, you feel good.
  • Listen to motivational/inspirational audios.
  • If you’re not yet ready to get out there and date again, make plans with friends. Go out to lunch, catch up with your girlfriends for a few drinks after work.
  • Believe that your last relationship was there to show you what you want/don’t want in a man. My guy had so many awesome traits that the guy before him didn’t have. But I could have been happy with either. It seems the Universe has big plans for me, because the right guy is going to be incredible!
  • Be happy alone. Seems impossible when you’re in a funk, but if you can’t be happy on your own, how on earth can anyone else be happy when you’re around? Find ways to cheer yourself up. Focus only on the good in your life. Think up reasons why having a man in your life would be an inconvenience to you. For me it was about liking my own space. A man will reduce my ability to take my space when I want it.
  • KNOW that there is better out there for you. If you don’t believe there is someone out there for you, then you will be right. If you DO believe there’s an awesome man out there for you, then he is on his way!
  • Be patient. Everything comes to you in its own time, and when you are ready.

I could go on all day, but my main point here is that you MUST focus on the positive in order to achieve positive results in any part of your life.

If you’ve recently experienced a breakup, yes it will be painful. You will feel hurt and sad, and you will wonder what the point of the relationship was.

Either way, if you maintain a positive attitude towards life, it won’t be long before the reason for this breakup will become clear – and you’ll be glad it happened! xxx