Archives for October 2014

What causes some relationship problems?

Butterfly 70x70

I’ve been thinking all day about what to write in today’s post, and I have struggled! But a friend of mine paid me a visit today, and she told me a few things about what’s been happening in her marriage.

She’s had relationship issues for many months now, and she’s attended counseling to get to the bottom of what’s going on.

What has really come to light is that a lot of the problems she’s having in her marriage are coming straight from her.

She realised this morning just how unsexy she feels, and she’s been saying to me for months that she just feels fat. This has nothing to do with him – this is totally her issue, and totally her choice that she stopped working out regularly, and eating properly.

This has spilled over into her relationship. Because she doesn’t feel sexy, she isn’t open to her husband’s advances, and he in turn feels rejected and gets upset with her, and the cycle continues.

So what can she do to fix this? I have a few ideas…

  1. Set a goal – not to lose weight, but another goal that requires her to lose weight. She has decided to get a family member to do a photoshoot next year. She will want to be looking HOT by then!
  2. Write down what she needs to do – how many times a week will she work out? What will she eat every day? She needs to ensure she’s doing things that will help her achieve her goal.
  3. Stop beating herself up – she’s where she is, due to her choices. But she has the power to change it. So while beating herself up about past mistakes may feel gratifying in some way, it achieves nothing.
  4. Get the support of her husband and friends. The more people you tell about your goal, the more likely you’ll stick with it.
  5. She needs to keep her eye on the prize! Do at least one thing every single day, to get her closer to her goal.

What often happens in a relationship is that we blame our partner for what turns out to be our own issues. But the reality is that many relationship issues come from within. xxx