Archives for December 2013

Who is the prize? You or him??

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I am a member of many forums and groups where women come together to give advice and support each other in working their way through relationships, and in particular, difficult ones.

What I’ve observed over the last couple of years is that soooo many women cling to and pine over some men, who clearly don’t want anything to do with them, or at best, just want to be friends – no relationship is on the table, at all!

Why do they do this?

Why do they make a guy a priority when he’s only treating them only as an option???

My guess is that they don’t truly value themselves as the prize. If they did value themselves more, they would be thinking “His loss!” rather than “How can I get him back???”. Ick!

As you may have gathered from my posts, I’ve been single for about a year now, and I’ve never been happier. Yes, I would love to have a man in my life who I can spend time with and who is just there for me, but there’s no way in hell I’m going to settle for less than what I believe I’m worthy of!

I’m getting plenty of offers, even from across the globe, from men who would kill to even go on a date with me! But in the last year, only one has caught my attention. And funnily enough, he lives across the globe, dammit!

So… my predicament is this…

Yes I know he likes me – “A lot”, and yes we only recently met while he was here for two weeks, and yes we clicked straight away. And I felt something very strong for him.

But…

He’s not offered me anything. No “relationship”, no exclusivity, nothing. So to handle this, I’ve done exactly what I should be doing – I’m continuing to date others and still getting myself out there and enjoying my life. If he’s offered me nothing, then why would I hold out for him? To do so would be CRAZY!

If by some miracle he finds a way that we can be together and steps up and offers me what I want, then great – we’ll see what’s on the table and go from there. But bottom line is that I deserve the best and I will not settle for less than that.

Yes I really like this one, but I value myself much more than I value him, and I will live my life accordingly.

Who is the prize in your relationship?

Counting down to the end of 2013

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Hi everyone! I didn’t post a Merry Christmas post this year because;

a) I’m the worst blogger ever; and
b) I’ve used the last week or so to just have some “me” time and be with my kids.

I’m not religious, but I love Christmas, as it’s a time to take a break from work and spend quality time with family. I was lucky enough to get two weeks off work this year, and I’m making the most of the time, let me tell you!

As 2013 draws to a close, I’ve also been reflecting on what has been an incredible year. So much has happened, so many changes, and I’ve grown personally too. It’s definitely been a turning point in my life, and I have a very good feeling that 2014 is going to bring about some exciting times!

Today I’ve started looking into ways to get in shape. I’m going to be following the Fit Yummy Mummy “Little black dress” program. I’ve really been quite slack with my workouts and eating lately, and it’s time to get back on track!

Thankfully I’ve never really struggled with my weight, but looking AND feeling great is important to me. So a change to what I eat on a daily basis and an increase in physical activities it is!

So 2014 is going to kick off with a better looking/feeling me, I’m going to focus more on my business activities, therefore improving my financial situation, and as for my love life, well… it could be better, but I think I’m on the right track!

How is your 2014 looking? :)

Loving your man more than you love yourself

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Once upon a time I was that girl, the one who loved her man much more than she loved herself. As a result of this, my man didn’t treat me very well at all. In fact, he was verbally and emotionally abusive towards me, and also very controlling.

I loved him so much that I stayed with him for 9 long years, putting up with the cruelest words that came out of his mouth.

Then one day I gave birth to my first child… a precious baby girl. I immediately understood the meaning of unconditional love, and it was so intense! I never knew that love could feel like this! It was amazing!

I vowed that I would do anything I could to protect my baby girl from harm – anything!! And when my man would start yelling abuse at me, I would take my daughter to her room, out of harm’s way, so she didn’t have to hear her father speaking that way to me.

But as my little girl started to grow older, it became more and more difficult to hide her from the yelling and abuse, and I made a decision…

I decided that I was no longer going to tolerate another day of my man’s abuse – I did not want my daughter to grow up thinking that this was normal. I would never have forgiven myself if in 15-20 years time my daughter found herself in a similar type of relationship. So I left, taking my baby with me.

The saddest part about this story (and it’s a true story), is that I didn’t love myself enough to leave that man when the abuse started. Instead my love for my daughter was my reason for leaving. And it took me many years to learn to love and forgive myself for what I endured during those years and what I put my daughter through. All I can say is thank goodness my love for my daughter got me out of there, because my love for myself certainly wasn’t going to!

What’s interesting about this, is that I doubt I would even attract such a man into my life now, because I am so far above someone like that. He clearly had (and still has) serious insecurity issues, which drove him to treat me that way. These days I prefer a man who oozes confidence and has a positive outlook on life! This guy wouldn’t even get a first date!

That is because I do love who I have become. I know I am a good person, and I know I have a lot to give. I also know that any man would be more than happy (ok, let’s face it – he would be thrilled!) to have a woman like me in his life!

I also know that if I were dating a man who didn’t treat me how I want and deserve to be treated, I would be more than happy to walk and never look back. And I think the men around me know that, and treat me as a high value woman as a result.

All too often I see women pining over a guy who’s broken up with them, and I cringe. Why on earth would a woman want to be with a guy who doesn’t even want to be with them??? And the answer is, they obviously love him more than they love themselves, otherwise they’d be thinking “Oh well, his loss – he doesn’t get to spend another second with me!”.

Who do you love more?