Archives for June 2013

Are you in love with your man, or in love with his potential?

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I hate to admit it, but I have been guilty for falling for a man’s potential, rather than for what was right in front of me at the time.

I was seeing a guy for 2.5 years, and while there were some good moments, there were a LOT more bad moments with him. But I kept thinking “Things will get better once X happens”…

But the thing is, things were NOT great between us. It never was great. Ever. But I hung in there, in the hope that things would improve. I’m a great catch right, so of COURSE he would treat me better over time… How silly I was!

Looking back, I can clearly see that we were just not good together. We never were. We were probably a little too different, and how he liked to show me “affection” was through buying me expensive gifts. And while I loved to receive gifts from him, what I really wanted was affection and for him to say something nice once in a while.

It was never forthcoming! So why did I stay????

It’s because I was focused on his potential to give me the affection and the words I needed. Yes, he did have potential to do that (it’s not that hard, right?), but the reality was, he wasn’t giving that. And that was his choice.

So if you’re with someone now, how do you feel with him right now? Is he treating you right, is he showing you affection the way you love to receive it? Do you feel amazing in his presence right now??

If not, it’s time to consider whether it’s his potential you’re in love with, or what’s right in front of you in the moment. Because what you’re seeing right now is the reality. xxx

Another reason why having a dating Plan B is always a good thing

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Yesterday I talked about why having a Plan B in place when dating is a good thing. It takes the pressure off you and your prospective dates, because you’re no longer sitting around worried if he’s going to cancel.

With no Plan B, if he cancels, the alternative is to sit at home alone, crying into your pillow because all men suck and you’re going to become an old maid…

So yesterday The Aussie God postponed our date tomorrow night to next Wednesday night. While I felt disappointed, I felt ok because Mr IT was in the sidelines, hoping I would have a change of plans! He has just now confirmed that we are definitely catching up. So woohoo for me!

And something else happened today (it must be the week for it!).

A girlfriend messaged me this morning suggesting that we desperately need a girl’s night out, and I agreed, although I told her I may have plans (with Mr Blue Eyes). I had a feeling my plans were going to fall through for some reason…so I didn’t want to say I had definite plans!

And my feeling was right – Mr Blue Eyes got a tad confused with the plans we’d made and agreed to have his children all weekend. So of course that meant that our catchup wasn’t going to happen. Argh!

The poor guy – he’s absolutely smitten, and has been trying to find some free time in my schedule for weeks now! Oh well…

So again I was a little bit disappointed, but I am soooo looking forward to catching up with the girls this weekend!

With a Plan B in place (whether it be an alternative date, a catchup with girlfriends, focusing on a hobby or passtime, or even spending quality time with family), your dating experiences will be a lot less stressful. It really helps you to keep your focus on you, and to let go of expectations.

Do you have any Plan B’s in place? What are they? :)

What’s your dating Plan B?

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The old me (over a decade ago), after meeting someone new that I quite liked, would think about him almost constantly. I’m sure I was bordering on obsessed, because the guy would consume all of my thoughts all day every day. It was actually quite disturbing!

Anyway, what would usually happen, is that I would begin to feel a bit needy over time, and if he wasn’t in contact as often as I’d like, I would start to stress and worry and start making up stories in my mind about him. Maybe he’s lost interest in me? Or maybe there was something I said that turned him off??? Maybe he’s met someone else!!!???

Honestly, the amount of energy I was giving to these guys was just plain ridiculous!

These days, things are very different. Not only am I dating more than one lucky fella, but I’m not spending time obsessing over them. In fact, my life is so darn busy right now, I’m struggling to scratch my butt, let alone think about them!

So… today I heard from a fella I shall refer to as “The Aussie God”. He has earned this title because I swear I have never dated a man as hot as this one! He is incredibly well built – and he can cook too! Sigh….! 😉

He had tentatively booked me in for Thursday night, but told me that he may have to go away for work (so may have to cancel), and would let me know. So today’s message was to let me know that he had to fly out Wednesday and wouldn’t be back until the weekend. So our date was cancelled, obviously.

Meanwhile, “Mr IT” (career-related nickname – nice guy, very smart, and speaks a foreign language… mmmm!), had asked me a few days ago if I was free Thursday night. I told him I was busy, but if things changed I’d let him know.

So I replied to The Aussie God, wishing him a safe trip and said I hoped to see him again some time. I really wasn’t bothered because I knew that Mr IT would gladly step up in his place!

The Aussie God then replied, asking if it was too early to book me in for Wednesday of next week – 8 days in advance! I have no plans that night, so I accepted.

While I was a little disappointed that I would not have the opportunity to gaze adoringly at The Aussie God’s arms until next week, I felt ok. And that’s because my Plan B was already worked out – Mr IT was very happy to hear my plans had fallen through!

And even if Mr IT hadn’t been available, I have another date set up with “Mr Blue Eyes” for Saturday to look forward to!

Having alternative plans set up has really taken the pressure off for me. It no longer really matters if a date is postponed! I no longer feel needy, I’m not obsessing over anyone, and if our plans fall through, it’s not like I’m going to be left sitting at home alone crying into my pillow about the sad state of my love life anytime soon!

Instead I’m enjoying my life and not letting little things like a change of plans ruin my day, because I’ve already got something else worked out. It’s definitely a much better way to live! :)

How good do you feel in his presence?

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Two marriages, countless dates and several boyfriends later, I’ve learned a LOT about what feels good and what doesn’t, and for most of my first marriage, I did NOT feel good. Nor did I feel good in my last relationship.

So why on earth did I stay???

I often ask myself that question, and the answer isn’t an easy one. I guess it was a combination of loyalty, the fact that I was in love with thier potential rather than the reality, and my “glass half full” attitude – I always had hope that things would improve.

Now don’t get me wrong – a positive attitude is a MUCH better option than a negative attitude, but I think that in my case it worked against me because of my focus on their potential rather than the reality of how I felt in their presence.

The last few years have taught me a LOT about being in the moment and really focusing on how I feel right now. So as I embark on my dating journey, I am seeing things very differently.

My new attitude is “If it feels good, I’ll stick around. But as soon as it doesn’t feel good to me, I’m outta there!”… and this has served me well! And to the point that I am being treated so much better than ever before! It’s quite amazing!

I’ve dropped my agenda, I’m no longer focusing on their potential, and really just enjoying the right now. And it feels AMAZING!

As a result of this, I am being pursued by successful, caring men who put my needs before their own. I am being wined and dined, and I don’t think I’ve ever received so many compliments in my entire life!!

I am currently dating three lovely guys who treat me like a queen – and while none of them have “stepped up” and taken things to the next level, it’s only early days, and I’m enjoying every single second!

So when thinking about your current relationship or dates, how good are you really feeling in their presence?

Do you feel cared for? Cherished? Looked after? Happy? Sexy? Excited? Loved? Appreciated? All of the above??

Or is the opposite the truth?

If that’s the case, it’s time to really think about whether your focus is on their potential rather than what’s in front of you right now. xxx

If you look good, you feel good – 5 things you can do to boost your vibe

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Sometimes it’s great to just sit around at home in your PJs and slippers, and not have to worry about taking a shower or doing your hair, knowing that you don’t have to make an effort to look presentable.

But let’s face it – that’s ok every once in a while, but take this attitude towards your appearance for too long, and you will notice a drop in your vibe.

I know that if I take extra care with my appearance, both with my choice of clothing and my makeup, I do feel better about myself. I feel more attractive.

And when I feel better about myself, it shows to the outside world in more ways than one!

Now don’t get me wrong – I am in no way a “high maintenance” woman when it comes to my appearance. Most days, I spend around 5 minutes doing my hair, which involves running a brush through it a couple of times, and a few minutes with the hair dryer. That’s it!

But with a little bit of makeup on, as well as clothes that flatter my figure, I walk out of the house feeling GOOD about myself!

And as a single woman, it pays huge dividends to spend just a few extra minutes and take a little bit of extra care when getting ready to leave the house! 😉

What’s funny about this is that I doubt it has much, if anything, to do with how I look, but rather how I feel. When I feel good, I smile more, and I radiate a positive energy. In turn, I notice that I receive a lot more attention than I do on days when I didn’t take so much care in my appearance, even if the difference in my appearance is only subtle.

So what are 5 things you can do to boost your vibe?

  1. Take a little bit of extra care with your makeup. Don’t go too heavy.
  2. Choose clothes that flatter your figure. Ok, you may love that figure-hugging micro mini, but if you’ve got a bit of a muffin top happening and your legs aren’t exactly looking their best, then it’s best to give it a miss for something less clingy and revealing.
  3. Wear shoes and clothes you feel confortable in. I LOVE to wear high heels, and wear them most days, but many women struggle with these. So choose shoes that look good and are comfy too. Even a small heel can be flattering.
  4. Accessories can go a long way to making your outfit complete. Don’t go overboard though – less is often more.
  5. Wear sexy underwear! Even though the world can’t see it, there’s no better feeling than knowing you’re looking like a sexy vixen under those clothes! 😉

I could go on, but these five things will certainly help you to boost your vibe! :)

Should I initiate contact with a man I just started dating?

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loveflowers250I’ve been chatting to some girlfriends about dating, and chasing men in particular, and there was some debate about what’s “ok” and what isn’t when it comes to initiating contact…

Some people tell you that initiating ANY type of contact with a man is chasing and it’ll send him running. But I don’t believe that… well it depends…

Ok, so there are some women who insist on initiating almost every contact with a man they’ve just started dating. In fact, he’s yet to initiate contact with her because she’s doing that job so well! The poor guy is likely to feel a whole lot of pressure from her, plus he’s starting to think that he doesn’t need to make much effort at all, because she’s doing all the work. Easy for him!

This may get her the response she wants initially, but in the long run he may lose interest, will definitely not put in as much effort as he should, or he may even run for the hills.

So does this mean that she should never initiate contact with the guy she just started dating? Not at all, as long as she follows by these guidelines:

  1. Don’t be all “in his face” all the time, 24/7 – this feels like pressure to him. He needs his own space, especially while you’re getting to know each other.
  2. NEVER initiate contact if you have expecations around whether you want him to reply and the type of reply you would like to receive. Do this and you’ll very likely feel disappointed.
  3. Sometimes a guy just needs a little hint that you’re interested, so while you should express your interest, don’t take it too far – remember, you only just started dating! You are NOT about to walk down the aisle, right???
  4. Once you’ve initiated that contact, PLEASE do not sit by your phone, waiting for a response! Put your phone down and go do something productive. Take your mind off him!
  5. At all times keep your focus on you. Too much focus on him will only drive you crazy and it’ll shift your vibe in the wrong direction.

Ok, so go send that “Hi, how have you been?” message if you really must, but once you’re done, go do something else, and if he replies, great. If not, so what? It’s not like you’ve been married for 10 years – this is just a new dating thing! :-)

One of my current goals

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It has been way too many years since I had the pleasure of sitting on a beach with a view like this, but I am determined now to make this a regular reality!

One of my current goals is to travel to a new destination at least once a year – no matter what!

This pic was taken in 2005 while on my honeymoon in the Whitsundays just off the Queensland coast.  I’ve had two other “holidays” since then – one was a trip to Thailand where I attended an internet marketing workshop, so it wasn’t a “holiday” as such, although we did get a chance to do a few touristy things… and the other was a 5 day trip to LA to attend a movie premier.  That was a whirlwind trip and we didn’t get much of a chance to relax, although I had a great time!

So my new goal will also include my daughters – I will take one or both of them on at least one holiday every year – and I know we will have a  blast!  :)

So to ensure my goal is a “SMART” goal, here’s how it’s looking:

Specific – My goal is to travel to a new destination every year – here or overseas (I don’t care!)

Measurable – Yup – if I don’t travel in a year, we’ll know I fell short!  If I do, then we can tick this one off!

Attainable – Yup it’s attainable alright – because our destinations don’t have to be expensive, right?  Although things are looking up in that department anyway, so maybe my daughters and I will be having more fun than originally planned!

Relevant/realistic – Both!  For sure!

Time bound – Yup, I have one year to meet this, every single year!

So what are your goals, and are they SMART too?  :)

When you decide what you want, the opportunities appear!

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For some time now I’ve kind of lost my focus on my goals, and this has been due to many reasons, some of which I’ve talked about here. But that’s not what I’m talking about today. I finally know what I want, and an opportunity has appeared!

What I’m talking about is what happens when you decide you really want something – when you decide what you really want.

I’m not exactly sure what happens, but strange things start to happen when you decide what you want to achieve. It’s like there are some little magic fairies out there doing little things to help you get closer to achieving your goals!

For some time now I’ve wanted to travel, and due to many factors, I’ve just not had the opportunity to travel nearly as much as I wanted to. But over the last few months, the travel bug has bitten, and it’s now something I really have a desire for!

So I’ve made some plans to travel later in the year, although nothing’s been set in concrete at this stage.

But something has happened that’s going to take me closer to achieving my travel goals much sooner and much more often than I ever dreamed!

Last week I was contacted by a friend who is launching a program in Australia that’s all about discounted travel. It’s been going for years in 23 other countries, and it’s finally coming here. I feel very excited about this opportunity, and can’t wait to rub shoulders with those bringing this program here! Woohoo!

Funny how when you decide what you want, opportunities appear…! 😉

So what do you really want? Once you’ve decided on this, keep an eye out for the opportunities that “miraculously” appear…!

If you’re trying to sign up for the free Ebook…

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Hi everyone. If you’re trying to sign up for the free ebook today, it’s not going to work unfortunately.

I’m in the process of moving to a new email provider, so should have this sorted once I’m near a computer.

Sorry for any inconvenience caused.

How can I tell if he’s interested in me?

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So often I hear the question “How can I tell if he’s interested in me?” and with around six months of being properly back on the dating scene again, I can honestly say that if he’s interested, you’re going to know about it – if you do things the right way! 😉

These days, women are taught to go for what they want, and that includes getting the man. Problem here is that while chasing a man might bring you some short term results, in the long term you’ll end up disappointed, and it’s possible he will lose interest.

Most men are good guys. They’re brought up to treat women with respect, and don’t intentionally want to cause a woman pain and heartache. So when you initiate calls or texts, he will very likely respond – because that’s what his mother taught him!

Is that what you want?

What if you were to go about your life, keeping yourself busy, and being just happy little you, and suddenly you hear from him? Isn’t that a much better feeling? You will KNOW that he has contacted you because he WANTS to talk to you!

I’ve been a bit crazy with dating lately, with around a dozen guys trying to book my time. Some I’m feeling open to, but others I’ve weeded out for various reasons. But I let them all pursue ME!

If I like the guy, I will always respond when he initiates contact. And I will be warm and welcoming. I don’t play games. If I’m interested, he’s going to know about it in how I respond to his advances.

As a result, I have men in my life who value me as a person, who know I will always put myself first, and who know that if they want my time, they’d better book me in advance or they miss out! They also know I enjoy my time with them, and because they enjoy their time with me, they want more of it.

They’re regularly making contact, booking me for dates, taking me out, and making sure they have my attention. It’s like they almost KNOW there’s competition out there and they could lose me in a heartbeat.

And the great thing about this is that I know without a doubt who is truly interested in me and who isn’t. Those who don’t contact me very often, or seem to disappear for days or weeks on end, might as well not exist. I have others there to distract me from those little blips on the radar who will eventually weed themselves out of my life anyway. No great loss.

I started dating as a means to just get out and meet new people. While I eventually want something long term, I don’t have to have it now. Dropping my agenda has really allowed me to just go with the flow and enjoy being wined and dined every single week, several times a week!

It’s no wonder my waist line is struggling!!!

If I had chosen to chase any of these men, I would have NO CLUE as to who was truly interested in me and who wasn’t.

So stop chasing. No more initiating contact. No more incessant texts. No more thinking about him night and day. No more sitting by the phone waiting for him to call.

Just get out and enjoy your life! If he is interested, you’ll hear from him. And if he doesn’t contact you, then thankfully he let you know now that he’s not interested in you that way – time to move on to the next lucky guy who gets to meet you!