Archives for August 2011

Even Coaches Need a Coach!

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A little while ago I attended an event on mindset and how controlling your emotions can make a significant positive impact in your life.

It was during this event that I realised that I KNEW all of the stuff they were talking about – every bit of it!  And a lot of the content is what I talk through with my clients and friends regularly.

But looking back at my life, and in particular the last 12 months, I realised that I was applying only a very small number of the strategies and tools for creating a positive mindset in my daily life, and my results were reflecting that.   Even though I love my life, there are so many areas I would love to improve.

And probably just like you and those around you, while I’ve not been 100% happy with how my life’s been going lately, I really haven’t done too much about it.  Well, not enough to make a huge difference anyway!

Don’t get me wrong – I still practise some things on a daily or weekly basis, but I definitely don’t have a plan in place to really make my life great!  I’m also not keeping myself accountable to make sure I do what I say I’m going to do.

So what I realised last night was that although I am a great coach (well, that’s what they tell me), I can’t for the life of me coach myself!!  I need somebody to become a part of my team to help me to stay motivated to achieve my goals, and to keep me accountable so I do what I say I’m going to do!

So last night I made the decision to get myself a coach.  I really do need somebody there to hold me accountable in particular.  I have the power within myself to do what I want to achieve, but having somebody there who’s backing me up along the way, making sure I complete the tasks we’ve assigned for me to complete and to offer me support and encouragement that I’m on the right track, is exactly what I need.

Without a coach I know I’ll get there anyway, but I want to get there quicker, which is why I want a coach to be there with me.

I am lucky enough to have a close friend who is also a Life Coach, and we’ve agreed to coach each other, focusing initially on some short term goals, and later moving to the bigger goals.

We can only get better, right?  And having my coach right there with me along the way is going to give me the momentum I need to really make my life incredible.

So here’s to everyone all over the world achieving their dreams sooner, rather than later!

What damage is negative self talk doing?

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How often have you berated yourself for doing or saying something wrong? How often have you said “It will never work” or “It’s no use” or “Why do I bother?”…?

I know I’m guilty of it, and I’m yet to meet anybody who has not done this on occasion.

But what is negative self talk really doing to you?  Can it really be affecting the results you’re getting in life?

You bet it is!

Negative self talk is what happens before you find yourself in the “pit of despair”, or those times in your life where you just feel down, so you should consider this type of talk as a red flag.

So why is negative self talk a red flag?

Negative self talk is a red flag because it shows you very clearly where you’re headed.  If you let this self talk continue, you’re starting on a downward spiral until you find yourself feeling just plain “yuck”.

And what damage does this cause?  Well, if you do enough of this, you could find yourself slipping into depression!  If not that serious, it really can affect the results you’re getting in life.  Negative self talk is damaging and does you no good whatsoever!

So what can you do about it?

Well, the first thing you can do is to identify it as it happens.  As soon as you find yourself thinking negatively, stop yourself and see it for what it is – a red flag!

Next, turn these thoughts around, and here’s a few ways in which you can do this:

  • If you’re saying something like “I’ll never be able to do that…”, ask yourself why not? Why can’t you do that?  What makes you so special?  Why can somebody else do it?  What’s stopping you being able to do that?
  • What if you’re calling yourself every name under the sun?  Turn this around by accepting that you may have made a mistake and that you’re not the very first person in the world to do so, and what gives you the right to say these things?  If your best friend made the same mistake, would you call them all these names?  You’re HUMAN and you are allowed to make mistakes!  So think about what you can learn from what you’ve done – make the mistake worth it!
  • Did you recently have a relationship end, or is your relationship on the rocks?  Now is the time to focus on YOU!  You deserve to be loved and cherished, no matter what.  If you made mistakes, learn from them and become a better and more understanding person.  If your partner cannot love you for who you are (mistakes and all), then do they really deserve you?  If you were recently dumped, then all you have lost is somebody who didn’t want you there in the first place.  That’s kind of like “losing” a serious disease! You don’t need disease do you?  You don’t need a relationship with somebody who doesn’t want to be with you either!

These are just a few examples of how you can turn this negative self talk around.

Do what you can to focus on the positive aspects of every sitaution.  Stop when you find your mind doing the negative self talk thing, and turn it into something positive.

Make the choice to look at the bright side of life – it’s a great place to be!

Even confident people lack confidence sometimes

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Believe it or not, even confident people don’t feel confident sometimes!

Have you ever known somebody who always acted as though they were ready to take on the world, regardless of the challenges they faced at the time?

Well chances are, they may have been freaking out on the inside, even though on the outside their confidence seemed unshakable.

A few years ago I was asked to present at a seminar, and I enthusiastically agreed to do it and everybody assumed that for me it would be a piece of cake (ok, I kind of talk a lot!).

On the inside however I was totally freaking out!  I had never presented at a seminar before, and definitely not in front of that many people!  I had NO idea if I’d do a good job, and even though I knew the topic well, I was scared I’d be standing up there in front of all of those people, with absolutely NOTHING to say!

Many people fear public speaking more than they fear DYING, and I finally understood why!

So the big day came, and I was unbelievably nervous and really just wanted it to be over. So I was called on stage, and I began my presentation.

I was shaking so much that I needed to hold onto the podium to stop myself from falling over, and about 10 minutes into my presentation, things started flowing a little better, and I was talking so fast that my presentation ended 10 minutes early but I was happy – and I received positive feedback from many of the attendees too.  Phew!

I had finally accomplished something that totally scared the life out of me!

So why did I even want to put myself through that??

Many people asked me that question, and the answer was easy:  I wanted to put myself through that so it wouldn’t be as scary next time.

And you know what?  I was right!

I’ve been on stage several times since that fateful day, and I am happy to say that the shakes are gone, and I actually enjoy getting up there!

For me, accepting this speaking opportunity was more about stepping outside of my comfort zone than anything else.  I really didn’t want to get up on stage and present to these people – but I knew that I needed to do it if I wanted to move one step closer to my goal of reaching millions of women all over the world so I could give them the tools and the knowledge to help them build their confidence and self esteem.

My talk had absolutely NOTHING to do with confidence or self esteem, but my actions did.  I definitely did NOT feel confident, but I knew I had to do it if I ever wanted to feel confident with public speaking.

It’s like most new things you learn.  At first it seems difficult and sometimes you don’t think it will ever become second nature.  But before you know it, you’re practically able to do it in your sleep!

The concept of public speaking does not scare me anymore and I don’t shake uncontrollably either.  A little bit of nervousness creeps in, but overall I feel good.  The pic I posted here was taken just after I was called to go on stage with one of my mentors, David Cavanagh.  He had asked me in the break if he could call me up and I gladly accepted.  I did not feel an ounce of nervousness on this occasion.  How good is THAT???!!!  :)

What I did by accepting that first speaking gig is one of the many keys to building your confidence and self esteem – I just got out there and I did it, despite my fears!

Where do you sometimes lack confidence?