Archives for May 2011

How to increase your degree of difficulty

Love is in the air

What does it mean to increase your degree of difficulty?  Why would you want to do this?

Should you only do this if you’re single, if you’re dating, or if you’re in a relationship?

Increasing your degree of difficulty is about increasing your value in a man’s eyes and it doesn’t matter whether you’re in a relationship or not.  Even if you’re married, you should still work to increase your degree of difficulty if it’s not up there already.

Have you ever been in a situation when you really like a guy to the point that you’re almost obsessing about him?  You think about him day and night, you keep your phone close in case he calls.  You don’t make plans with your girlfriends because you want to make sure you’re free if he calls to ask you out…

And then he doesn’t call….  And you feel deflated, miserable, upset, you hate yourself for hoping he would call, you beat yourself up, you wonder what you said/did wrong….

The list goes on and on, and you are definitely not alone if you’ve ever been in this situation.

But there is a way to get out of it, and that’s where increasing your degree of difficulty comes in!

One thing you need to know is that if you always drop everything the second he calls, then he’ll see you as “easy”.  He won’t need to make much of an effort to catch your attention, so he won’t.  He’ll just do what is absolutely necessary – he won’t make any extra effort because he knows he doesn’t need to.

But if you’re in the habit of keeping yourself busy with your own life, not focusing on him at all unless he calls, then you’re definitely going to be perceived as more valuable in his eyes.

Now one thing you must understand is that increasing your degree of difficulty is somewhat different to the term “playing hard to get” too.  Playing hard to get is more like game playing. Pretending you’re busy when you’re not.  This will not work – well… not in the long term anyway.

For example, if a guy you’re seeing calls and asks you to go on a date, to say you’re busy when you’re not (because you don’t want him to think you’re too easy) is more like playing hard to get.

You’re not being authentic.  You’re playing games.  Saying you’re busy when you’re not – that’s lying.

But what if you did actually have other plans?  What if you had another date, or plans to take your children out for the day, or you’d booked in to have a day of pampering?  What if he knew that your life really did not revolve around him?

One thing he will realise is that your life doesn’t revolve around him, and that you are the type of woman who takes care of herself.  That’s got to be a good thing, right?

If he’s a guy worth having (this may take a bit of time, so give him a chance if you think he’s worth it), then you’ll begin to notice that he’s stepping up more.  He’s calling you earlier in the week to book you in for a date, he’s paying you more attention, and you’re noticing that he really does treat you as though you’re more valuable to him.

What’s great about increasing your degree of difficulty is that you’re no longer 100% focused on him and wondering if he’s going to call. Instead, you’re so busy with your own life that you don’t think about him as often as you used to.  This will do WONDERS for your self confidence!  And what’s even better, is that all of his extra efforts feel good too!

Ok, so how exactly do you increase your degree of difficulty?  The following ideas will help to get you started:

  • Book in time to do the things you love to do.
  • Pamper yourself more often – you’re sooo worth it!  :)
  • Date and flirt with other men (if you’re single) or just flirt (if you’re not single!).
  • Plan to do things with your girlfriends.
  • Always have a “Plan B” for if your date cancels – even if it’s a date with yourself, painting your toenails!  The point here is to always have something else to do (that doesn’t involve sitting at home wondering why he didn’t call!) if your date is off.

The list above is a teeny snapshot of the number of things you can do to increase your degree of difficulty.

If you’re not pining over this guy, your life is truly full and you’re happy and you love yourself, then he’s definitely going to notice.   He will also know that you have other options when he’s not around.  He will know that your happiness does not depend on him too.

So if you were planning on curling up in a corner, curled up in the fetal position, wondering why on earth he didn’t call you when he said he would, think again.  That will only push him away – the negative energy you’re putting out here will make him run a mile! The process of increasing your degree of difficulty is the only way to show him your value and to inspire him to step up.

Good luck!  :)

How to start the day happy

friends

Believe it or not, whether you start the day happy or not, is purely based on choice.  You may choose to wake up happy – or you may choose not to wake up happy!

But how is it possible to choose to wake up happy when you’re rudely woken up by your alarm clock at 6am before a long and boring day at work?  You’d much rather have the option to sleep in, right?

Well here are a few tips to help you…

  1. Put a reminder beside your bed (probably in the vicinity of that nasty alarm clock) to think of what you are grateful for today.  You could be grateful for your comfy bed, that you have a roof over your head, for the birds chirping outside, or even for the electricity that powers that nasty alarm clock!
  2. Smile!  It’s impossible to feel miserable while you’re beaming!  Try it!  😀
  3. The night before you go to sleep, list a few things you can do the next day that you think are fun, or what you’re passionate about.  If you love to write poetry, be sure to set aside some time to write.  If you love exercise, mark out some time in your diary to go for a walk or a run.  If you haven’t seen a close friend in a while, arrange to meet him/her for lunch.  Remind yourself of these things when you wake up because you now have something positive to look forward to!
  4. Plan to do at least one teeny nice thing for yourself.  This could be something as simple as painting your toenails, to something a little more extravagant such as going out to buy some new shoes or a handbag, or even treating yourself to a manicure or facial.  Or you might even want to lock yourself away for a couple of hours to read in peace!
  5. If you’ve been good and you’ve written down your goals, review them now, visualising and feeling how wonderful it would be to achieve your goals!  Smile while you’re doing this!

Starting the day on a positive note does not have to be something that only other people are able to achieve.  By applying some or all of the options above, you will definitely begin to notice a huge difference in your feelings first thing in the morning, and you will be extremely surprised about how much this affects the rest of your day!  😉

There is always somebody worse off than you

girl

Tonight I attended a presentation by an amazing woman by the name of Carren Smith.  I thought the entire presentation was going to be focused around public speaking and tips and ideas on how to improve on my presentations.  But oh boy did I get something different!

Ok, I did get some tips and ideas, but beyond all of that, I was absolutely blown away by Carren’s story.

I don’t want to tell Carren’s story because it is her story to tell, but in short, she lost her husband to suicide and then two close friends shortly after during the Bali bombings.  She was also severely injured herself and is lucky to be alive, after being given only 6 hours to live!

While Carren was telling her story I was moved and could feel myself getting teary (not a common thing for me, let me tell you!) because after facing such terrible circumstances in her life, she was not only able to get through it, but came out the other side with amazing success too!

I could only try to imagine the pain and suffering she experienced and I could never come close.  But today, here she is, a beautiful, successful entrepreneur who is making a difference in other people’s lives!

It really put things in perspective for me.

Yeah I’ve had my hard times and I’ve struggled through some aspects of my life.  But what I’ve gone through is NOTHING compared to what she has been through.

So what’s stopping me achieving the same level of success???

NOTHING!!!!!!!!!!!  :)

You won’t have to search very far to find a very successful person who has experienced pain, suffering and loss, but has overcome it to achieve amazing success in their life.

And when you think about it, there is always someone worse off than you.  There is always someone who would give ANYTHING to have your life in exchange for theirs.

The fact that you’re even able to read this article says you at least have the luxury of being able to look at the internet –  so already you have more than most.

Now is the time to experience gratitude for all that you have and to realise that no matter how bad things seem right now, you CAN rise above it and achieve what you want in life.  :)

Carren’s website can be found here:  http://www.qlg.com.au/

Happy Mothers Day!

mother and baby

Happy mothers day to all of you mothers out there (I’m not sure if Australia’s the only country celebrating this today, but happy mothers day anyway!)!  A little over 13 years ago I became a mother myself for the first time, and I distinctly remember feeling an amazing sense of unconditional love, for the first time in my entire life.

It was unlike anything I had ever experienced it all, and was so intense that I worried that when my second beautiful angel was born, that I wouldn’t love her as much.

But the moment I laid eyes on her, I experienced that same intense love all over again.

Even though I’ve had my challenges over the years, and although I have a lot of my focus on my career, business and relationships, being a mother to me has been (and probably always will be) the most important aspect of my life.  My children come first above all else.  But I still make time for me!

Being a mother is hard work, and it’s important you have time for yourself sometimes.  We often get caught up in all of the other aspects of our life, and forget that we need looking after too.

So if you’re on a mission to lose some weight for example, but you rarely have time to exercise, then today is the day that you schedule half an hour, three times a week to exercise – just as you would an appointment at the doctor.  If you made that appointment you’d show up right?  So treat your exercise regime the same way.  Book it in!

If your relationship with your significant other needs some work, book him in for a “date”.  Spend some time alone together.  Once you have children, this aspect of relationships often stops happening and things get dull.  Spice things up a little!

If there’s something you’ve always wanted to do, such as attend a Zumba class, hike up a local mountain, write your first novel or even jump out of a plane, choose today as the day in which you start planning this activity.  Set a date, find out the costs, work out how you’ll pay for it (if needed) or what you’ll need to get started.  And START!

If you’ve been wanting to return to work, change your career, or improve your skills, start looking at the job ads, update your resume, look into courses, see if your employer will pay for some additional study for you.

Choose today as the day in which you make at least one small improvement to your life!  That’s the first step towards living a life worth living!  :)