Archives for February 2011

Moving on after separation or divorce

heart

After my marriage ended last year, I of course found myself single and wondering if I’d ever get it “right” where my choice of partner is concerned.

Now don’t get me wrong – I don’t regret marrying either of my two (!) ex husbands because both marriages taught me a LOT, I have grown from those lessons, and of course I have my two beautiful daughters that would not be here today if I had not married their fathers.

Now that’s not to say that I wish I’d done things differently in my life, but hindsight gets you nowhere unless you learn from it.  There really is no point dwelling on the past.

So I knew I had to move forward, and that’s when I found myself involved with a guy who was quite different to anybody I’d ever met…. and it was probably one of the most stressful situations I’ve experienced in a LONG time!

I just couldn’t read him!  For the first time ever, I found myself feeling very uncertain about the future, where I stood with him, and where things were going with him.  It was doing my head in, but for the life of me I couldn’t walk away from him either.

I know I’m carrying a bit of baggage from both of my marriages – you’d have to be a pretty amazing person to be able to completely disregard any of the garbage you endured with your previous partners – and this guy has really helped me to see that – and other things that I’m doing and have always done in the past.

It seems that my “need” to control things is a big turnoff for the masculine types of guys I like.  Trying to control a situation, trying to manipulate him (yep I did it unconsciously, but I was definitely doing it) to get your way, and not being able to just “be”, was what was causing a lot of my frustration.

So here’s what I’m doing now.  It’s not always easy and sometimes I’ve got to give myself a bit of a lecture, but I am getting there:

  • I’m learning to relax and go with the flow more.  I don’t HAVE to control everything.  I don’t have to plan each and every event to the finest detail, and I’m letting him plan things and just going along with it most of the time, and I’m actually liking it!
  • I’m no longer focused on wondering where our “relationship” is going.  I’m trying to focus more on enjoying the moment, and I find I am much more relaxed about things when I do that.
  • I find time for me.  I do stuff for myself more.  I meet girlfriends for lunch, I go out with friends on a Friday or Saturday night, I get myself a pedicure… I look after me first.
  • I KNOW I am a desirable person and I KNOW that any man should feel grateful to have a girl like me.  The more I believe this, the more attractive I seem to be to my man!  😉
  • I don’t deny my feelings or push them down anymore.  If I’m feeling upset about something I tell him – in a non-accusing way.  If I’m upset, then that’s my stuff.  He can’t MAKE me upset, only I can let myself become upset.  But if I can explain that I am upset about something in a non-accusing way, he won’t feel the need to defend himself and is more likely to want to comfort me.

This post could go on forever, but these are just a few of the little things I’m starting to do to improve my relationship and so far it’s working!  :)

So improving your relationship could just be as simple as deciding to “let go” a little and let your guy take over.  Give it a go and see what happens!

How to maintain a positive attitude

focus

Want to know how to maintain a positive attitude?  Many people seem to be able to do this effortlessly while others just can’t seem to keep that positive attitude going for more than a few days at best.

I remember attending events in the past which had me pumped for days, then my enthusiasm would begin to fade, or something would go wrong, and next minute I was back to where I was before the event.  I always wondered how people were able to maintain their undying passion for life for long periods of time, and today I’m going to share with you one of the secrets because now I know many of these secrets! 😉

One of these secrets is about focusing on the positives of events in your everyday life.  Each and every day you will find yourself in situations where you will be faced with challenges.  What most people tend to do is focus on the challenge.

Positive people are more inclined to focus on a possible solution or the positives of this challenge instead.

But what if staying focused on the positives doesn’t come naturally to you?

Well there IS a way…!

Maintaining a positive attitude if it’s not something you normally do, will require a little bit of effort and it’s worth setting daily reminders so that the tool I am about to give you can be most effective.

So here’s what you can do to help you to maintain a positive attitude:

Each and every day, from the minute you get up until the minute your head touches the pillow every night, make a conscious effort to focus on the positives of everything you experience.

Buy yourself a small notebook and carry it with you.  Whenever you experience something positive, write it down.

Also, whenever you encounter a negative event, think about the positives of that event.  For example, let’s say you’re in a situation like I am right now where your house is taking FOREVER to sell.  The positives for me are that it is extremely hot here in Australia right now and this house has a pool, so if my house had sold before now, I wouldn’t have had the relaxing afternoon in the pool today!  My future house will unfortunately not have a pool, so this is a huge positive, based on the fact that we’re melting down here!!  :)

That’s just one example of a positive spin you can put on what would normally be perceived to be a bad situation, and sometimes you will need to be a bit creative, but with practise, ideas will begin to come to you easily.

Go and grab your notebook and start taking notice of the good things in life today!

What are you focusing on?

Butterfly 70x70

When you’re in a bad situation it’s easy to get caught up in how terrible things are, and you find you’re focusing on all of the negatives about your situation.

What you’re probably not realising is that by focusing on the negatives, you’re only attracting more negatives into your life, so today I’m going to give you a tool to help you change your focus.

I’m currently reading a book titled Law of Attraction: The Science of Attracting More of What You Want and Less of What You Don’t by Michael J Losier, and it talks about how you attract into your life what you think about.

So for example, if you’re in a bad relationship, you’re feeling really bad about yourself or your career is going nowhere, and this is all you think about, then chances are that things are not going to improve for you anytime soon.

All is not lost however.  Here is how you can turn this around, and in many cases, in a very short space of time.

The first thing you need to do is work out what it is you DO want.  Do you want a better relationship, do you want to feel good about yourself and do you want to boost your career prospects?

Once you’ve worked out what you want in your life, focus on these wants – and forgot about the “don’t wants”.  The less you think of them, the smaller they will become!   And the more you focus on what you do want, the more of what you want you will attract into your life.

Just by changing our outlook from negative to positive will create some significant changes for you.

Try it for a week and see what you notice has changed…! :)