Archives for September 2008

Do you write down your goals?

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Becoming a success starts with having clearly defined goals and creating a plan to achieve them, however the majority of people don’t write down their goals, and many that do are yet to create a plan to achieve their goals. 

Where do you fit in?

Do you write down your goals and do you have a plan on how to achieve them?

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Are abusive relationships worth saving?

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When I talk about abusive relationships I refer to both physical and emotionally and verbally abusive relationships because although the action of the abuser is physically different, the emotional effects for the victim are actually very similar.

So if you’re in an abusive relationship, should you stay and try to work things out?

In some cases, if both parties get help (both will definitely need help!), then of course there may be a chance the relationship can be saved, but in many cases, the relationship is doomed from the moment the abuser started abusing.

I might talk of my own experience as the "victim" (I hate referring to myself as a victim, because I now choose not to be one in any situation, but for simplicity I will use this term), to explain what I mean.

I found that from the first time my former husband started verbally or emotionally abusing me, I began to build an emotional wall.  Each time he abused me, the wall grow by another row.  This wall was my protection.  It helped to reduce the hurt every time he called me a name or yelled at me. 

By the time our relationship had neared its fateful demise, I no longer felt anything at all.  I didn’t feel hurt when he abused me, and I most certainly didn’t feel any love for him whatsoever.  I was completely detached emotionally from the entire situation.  He called me a "cold hard b*tch" once, and that’s probably how I appeared to him, because I was no longer crying, begging him to stay with me and I most certainly wasn’t showing any emotion towards him!

When he suggested we seek counseling (this was after I told him I was leaving him) I only agreed because I had been begging him to go for a long time and until this point he’d always said we didn’t need it (yeah, right!).  To say no at this stage would have made me a hypocrite.  Problem was that I really didn’t see how going to counseling was going to help us, because emotionally I had left the relationship several years ago.  My body was just waiting to follow.

The counselor picked up on what I was feeling and also pointed out how he was trying to manipulate me into feeling guilty about how I was feeling.  She was sooo right!  It was at that point that I knew I had to do what was best for all of us – and I left.

Now, if you’re in an abusive relationship, I definitely suggest you seek help NOW.  Don’t wait.  It’s just not worth it.  You only have one chance at this life, so wasting it on the life you’re living now isn’t really "living"!

You might already know what you should do, but you’re yet to actually do it.  What’s holding you back?  What are you afraid of?  What do you hope to gain by staying?  What could you gain by leaving?

There are a lot of questions you need to answer – many of them not even mentioned here, which is why it is so important you seek professional assistance to help you make a decision then act on it. 

No matter what you decide, you must consider your safety, and if you have children, their safety too.  I cannot stress this enough.

How to stop stories in your head

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Ok, that’s a bit of a strange title for a post, but I couldn’t think of anything else (it’s nearly my bed time and my brain is ready for sleep!).

A friend of mine attended an event on the weekend that she says completely changed how she looks at things in her life.

One of the things talked about at the event was the stories we tell ourselves in certain situations.  For example, if you’ve not heard from someone in a while, do you tend to think up reasons as to why they’ve not called or contacted you?  Do you wonder if they don’t like you anymore, or did they just lose your phone number?  Could it be the guy you dated the other night has decided that he no longer wants to see you?

One thing she learned was that the stories we tell ourselves can be harmful to our self esteem, because we tend to think up stories that make us feel bad about ourselves, and come to think of it, I think it’s true!

One way of counteracting this when you find you’re telling yourself another story, stop and realise that people have their own reasons why they do certain things or act certain ways.  Worrying about it and making up stories is really a complete waste of time.

Don’t you have better, more productive things to do with your time?  Who cares what people think of you?  You’re a wonderful person and if they don’t like you then there’s nothing you can do about it.  If they do like you (and you like them!), then great!


How to make your relationship great – Part 4

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To make your relationship great you really do need to take care of yourself.  How many times have you heard stories of marriages breaking up because the husband or wife "let themselves go".

Whether we like it or not, in most cases, first impressions count and if you are repulsed by a person you meet, then chances are that a relationship isn’t even on the cards. 

But what if you looked great, you were fit and healthy and full of energy when you met,.  You got married and then you let yourself go to a point where you now sit on the couch all weekend, you take little care with your appearance and now your partner is repulsed by the way you look?  Is that fair that he/she feels like that?  Think about it.

Turn the tables and think about how things would be if your partner did the same.

Yes, it sounds superficial but I do believe that if we can’t take pride in our own appearance, then how can we expect our partner to?

Taking pride in your appearance doesn’t mean you need to pack on the makeup or put on your Sunday best whenever you leave the house.  Just taking care with your hygiene and putting on some clean clothes is a good start.  Also exercising regularly and eating a (mainly) healthy diet is an even better start.

Free eBook

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Everybody likes a freebie and today I came across an ebook on the Law of Attraction (LOA).

It is 80 pages of LOA info relating to career, relationships and your health and it’s FREE!

I believe that the LOA has a lot to do with the results you are experiencing in your life, and if you can learn to tap into its power, you will start to experience some unbelievable changes in your life.

Building your confidence and self esteem is all about building on your knowledge and skills, and if you ever come across a free offer like this, then take it!

So go to and download your free ebook today!


How to make your relationship great – Part 3

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You need to work together as a team.

Many times it seems that many couples are embroiled in an endless battle, which of course gets them nowhere.

Remember you’re batting for the same team, so when things get tough, remember this by offering support to each other and working together on how to get through the tough times.

If this seems difficult at first. try looking at things from your partner’s perspective.  Why do you think they are seeing things a particular way?  Why are they thinking/doing/saying what they are?

Talk rationally with each other, and try to come to an acceptable solution for both of you. 

Relationships and How to Make Them Great – Part 2

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Trust and respect is paramount for a good relationship.  If you don’t have that, then you have some work on your hands!

When each of you feels safe to be open and honest with each other, then you know that there is an element of trust there and that is a good, sound foundation for a great relationship.

Respect helps build trust because you’re not judging or criticising each other’s ideas or opinions or beliefs.

Do you have a sense of trust and respect in your relationship?  If not, then what do you think is lacking?