Archives for August 2008

Relationships and how to make them great – Part 1

Butterfly 70x70

Being married or having a significant other is great, although it does require effort from both parties. 

Personally I don’t believe there’s such a thing as a perfect relationship, although I think my parents are pretty close to having the perfect relationship!

Today’s relationship tip is about communicating.

To have a great relationship you must be able to communicate.  You should be able to talk about how you feel about things, and listen attentively to your partner when they need to talk.

Communicating is not about blaming each other or putting each other down.

It’s about treating others as you would like to be treated yourself. 

Consider what you’re about to say before you say it and think about how you would react if your partner said the same thing to you.

Put yourself in their shoes, and you’re well on your way to communicating well!

How do you improve self confidence

Butterfly 70x70

I’ve been thinking a lot about this over the last week, doing research on the various areas around self confidence and self esteem and I also looked back on my personal experience.  I came to a conclusion…

I thought back to my life several years ago, when I was involved in what I believed to be the "worst marriage ever".  My self esteem was at an all-time low, suicidal thoughts were common and at times I really wondered how the world had turned out to be such a horrible place.

When I made the decision to finally leave, it’s not because my self esteem had suddenly improved – that happened later – it was because something inside of me finally realised that this wasn’t right and I needed to get out to protect my daughter.

Later, after I had left my marriage and realised that the sky didn’t fall in and that I was able to cope (I coped very well in fact!), was when I finally experienced a boost in my self esteem.  I had succeeded at something I had been too afriad to try, and that’s what gave my self esteem a huge boost!

So while you may not feel confident about doing something outside of your comfort zone, even taking baby steps towards doing it will gradually build your confidence.  You will reach a point where you will be able to undertake tasks even further outside of your comfort zone than you ever thought imaginable!

Personal development tip of the day

Butterfly 70x70

I thought I’d start this weekend off with a tip on improving your confidence through personal development, based on a thought I had earlier in the week (more on that later!).

I look around at my friends, my coworkers and my family and I quickly realise that I have very little in common with many of them.  My parents and my husband are very much in tune with what I do and what I want to achieve in my life, but as for almost everyone else, well, let’s just say we’re on different planets!

When I told many of them that I was going to become a life coach, they asked, "What’s that?".  When I told them that I flew to the other side of the country to work at a wealth creation event hosted by friends of mine (at my own expense!), they thought I was crazy!

So to say I don’t hang out with a lot of people is probably quite true and I get sooo excited when my wealth creation friends come to town so I can hang out them for a couple of days!

Now, even though most people don’t understand why I do what I do and what I am working to achieve in my life (some probably mock me behind my back) , I still remain committed to my goals, and I am regularly looking for new ways to meet like-minded people.  I don’t let this stop me.

Next month I am taking the day off and I’m going to a women’s networking event.  The women who attend this event are entrepreneurs who have big goals, so I can’t wait to meet them!

So if you find that you don’t have a lot in common with the people around you, then get out there and find some people you have something in common with!

What do I do if I’m mad at my husband?

Butterfly 70x70

I love my husband – a lot!  Although at times I could strangle him!

He is currently training for a bodybuilding competition (that’s a whole other story!), and for the last few months he’s not been his usual happy, carefree self.  He’s a lot less tolerant than before and personally, I just don’t like it.

He and my oldest daughter seem to be fighting constantly and after spending 9 years of constant conflict, I’m not too happy about it.  So today I got mad.  Not mad enough to yell at him (I am yet to get THAT mad at him!) but mad enough to tell him how this made me feel. 

Sometimes men don’t like being told that what they’re doing isn’t right, but if they’re not told, then how can they know? 

Anyway, the entire event ended happily and we had a big hug and he’s lightened up on my daughter, so things are a lot better this evening compared to earlier on.

If you’re not confident enough to stand up for your children, things aren’t good.  Our children learn from us and if we allow things to happen then they grow up thinking it’s normal.

So do your children – and yourself – a favour and speak up for what you believe in!

How to stop procrastinating

Butterfly 70x70

Have you ever had a goal and kept putting off taking action, making every excuse under the sun?

I’m guilty of that, and have been many times. It’s not that I don’t want to achieve my goal – I want to achieve my goals a LOT!

But I think that somewhere deep down inside I have had a fear. My fear has been that I will fail somehow, or that I won’t do very well.

Either way, putting off my goals like I have been only does more to create frustration and dissatisfaction in my life and that’s not how I want to live.

So how do I stop myself procrastinating? I tell myself I can do it and that I will do it and I just do it!

I consider the worst case scenario if I were to fail. If failing won’t cause the sky to literally fall in, then I really have no excuse for not going ahead, do I?

Everyone can make the time for something they really want – if they want it enough.

What do you want to be when you grow up?

Butterfly 70x70

I had absolutely NO idea what I wanted to be when I grew up. In fact, I didn’t know what I wanted to be when I was in my twenties!

I have a friend, Nik Halik, who I heard on the radio this morning talking about how he knew what he wanted to be when he was FOUR years old!

He talked about how he knew at four that he was going to become an astronaut, not that he wanted to become one and that to me is amazing! If only I had that much certainty in my life as a child, a teen and then in my twenties! Imagine how different my life could have been!

What I get from what Nik said, was that he was so confident he was going to become an astronaut, there was no “wishing” about it – he was going to become one and that was that!

Of course he had to become a millionaire to be able to achieve that goal – and that’s very interesting. He didn’t have a goal to become a millionaire. He had a goal to become an astronaut, for which he had to become a millionaire in order to achieve that goal (it’s a VERY expensive goal to have, apparently, so becoming a millionaire was an automatic requirement!).

Very interesting and something to think about if you’re wishing you won the lottery! Why not think about why you want all of that money instead? What would you buy, what would you do with that money? That’s what your goal should ba all about!

Self confidence or Self esteem?

Butterfly 70x70

What is the difference between self confidence and self esteem? I thought I’d talk about the difference here, and also about how they relate so closely to each other, hence the fact that both are mentioned throughout this website.

Definition of self confidence
Feeling of trust in ones abilities, qualities and judgment

Definition of self esteem
Self-esteem is a reflection of a person’s overall self-appraisal of their own worth

So they both reflect a how you might feel about yourself, whether it’s how you feel about your abilities or how you feel about your self worth.

You can change you feel about yourself. It’s not an overnight process, but it can be done. The result of changing these feelings will completely transform your life – I know from personal experience!

Why do people try to lose weight the hard way?

Butterfly 70x70

I was at the gym this morning, which I do from time to time (I usually work out at home, but the gym is a nice change!) when I noticed a couple of women who were quite obese. 

They were on the treadmills when I arrived, and were still on the treadmill when I left, half an hour later. Both were walking quite slowly, not varying their pace at all.  In fact, neither of them looked as though they were working very hard at all.  There was no huffing and puffing, they definitely weren’t sweating.

 I just felt like grabbing my copy of Fit Yummy Mummy and giving it to them to read!  If only they knew that if they just changed the way they were exercising, that the pounds would just start to fall off so much quicker like they have for so many others!  They would no longer be left walking on a treadmill for hours on end.  They’d be in and out of the gym within half an hour – and they’d only have to go three times a week!  ARGH!  I feel so frustrated!

I’m in week 4 (I think?) of the Fit Yummy Mummy 12 Week Transformation Challenge right now and I have definitely noticed a huge improvement to how I feel.  I am stronger, I am fitter and I am even starting to look better!

I’m not the salesy type, but soon enough I’ll be looking fantastic and when people ask me how I got to look so good, I’ll tell them it was the Fit Yummy Mummy that did it!