Archives for July 2008

Should I stay married?

Butterfly 70x70

I was talking to a colleague at work today and she mentioned that she had a male friend who was in an unhappy marriage.  He and his wife had nothing in common, had no common interests, spent little time together, they rarely slept together and she was really controlling.  He wasn’t happy at all.

When my colleague talked to him about working at his marriage and possibly seeking counseling, he indicated that he didn’t want to.  So the question here was, why was he staying with her if they weren’t happy together?

After spending 9 years in an unhappy marriage, I can kind of understand why he’s just letting things "sit" there as they are, rather than do something about it.  It kind of seemed easier just to go along as we were.

For me, the thing that made me take action was the fact that my daughter would grow up thinking our marriage was normal if I chose to continue to live like we were, and I definitely didn’t want that. 

Did we seek counseling?  Yes.  But years too late.  We were having problems early on and I begged on many occasions to go and see a marriage counselor, but he refused each time.  But when I told him I was leaving him, he suddenly realised that his life was about to turn upside down and suggested it.  I agreed (I would have been a hypocrite otherwise), but it was too late.  I no longer had feelings for him – I just wanted to leave and start over.

So the point of my post is this – if you’re starting to have problems now, sort them out now.  Do nothing and things will continue until it’s too late.  If you believe your marriage is worth saving (some aren’t), then do something about it.  If it’s not worth saving, then do something about it – you will be glad you did!

 

Have you ever been involved in an abusive relationship?

Butterfly 70x70

 There are more people out there who are or who have been involved in an abusive relationship than we realise, as this poll will probably reveal…

Have you ever been involved in an abusive relationship?

View Results

Loading ... Loading ...

Whom do you associate with?

Butterfly 70x70

“Be careful the environment you choose for it will shape you; be careful the friends you choose for you will become like them.”
W. Clement Stone
1902-2002, Author and Businessman

Whilst I rode home on the train yesterday afternoon, I turned the page of the local freebie paper I was reading to see an interview and a photo of a friend of mine, Nik Halik.

Nik is an Adventurer, entrepreneur (he was a millionaire before he turned 30!) and recently became an author.

The article was written to promote his new book, The Thrillionaire, which was recently released. I rushed out to purchase his book today, and read a chapter on my way home. So far so good! I’ll post a review when I finish!

Now, this article isn’t about his book, but more about a question he was asked in the article I was reading.

He was asked what the best advice his parents had given him.

He responded with “You are whom you associate with”. Interesting.

Now, look around you. What is your partner like? What are your friends like? Observe them like you’ve never met them before. Do you want to be like them? Or do you want something else?

If this is the case, then look at changing who you associate with. Build a new circle of friends, network with people who are interested in the same things you are.

Very few of us ever look at our families or friends like I have suggested, and it’s not until they really look at them from an outsider’s perspective that they realise that perhaps they should associate with other “types” and that their current associations are not what’s best for them.

Of course, you can choose your friends but you can’t choose your family – you’re stuck with them no matter what! So if your family aren’t helping you to grow and be a better person, what do you do?

For me it has been difficult because I come from a very close family. The problem is that I really have nothing in common with two of my siblings. AT ALL! Once upon a time we had a lot in common. But not now. Over time we have grown apart.

Don’t get me wrong – we still love each other. I even work with one of them! And we get on fine, but only in small doses. What this means is that I rarely see them unless I run into one in the hallway at work, or we have a family celebration. Spend too much time together, and it’s like we’re from different planets. My sister talks about what happened on TV last night and I tune out. I talk about my business and she tunes out.

It’s just the way things are. It doesn’t mean we hate each other, but I much prefer to associate with people who have interests similar to mine!

Things get a LOT harder when it’s your partner or significant other. You hear so many stories of marriages ending because they have “grown apart”. Unfortunately I have no solution to offer here. I think it’s just that sometimes people head in different directions in life. Maybe being more involved or taking an interest in what your partner is doing, and asking them to do the same will help?

For me, I have found that associating with people who are successful, inspirational and positive has changed my life for the better. I realise that these people are so “normal” and have always been that way! They’re no different to you and me, except that in Nik Halik’s case in particular, there is a burning desire to achieve their goals. I admire their passion and commitment and courage. They have a “never say die” attitude and it pays off for them. I want to be more like them and take action every day to be like them!

I will be forever grateful for the day that I made the decision to make my life better, because I now have some wonderful friends that include Nik Halik the Thrillionaire.

And as proof that we do actually know each other, here we are at a Money Masters event in Brisbane! I have had the pleasure of working with Nik, his wonderful sister Victoria and the FFI team on several occasions now and I look forward to working with them again in the future.

I had the pleasure of meeting Stephen Pierce at a seminar in 2006. Stephen also had a bit of a tragic beginning, but again he is proof that it doesn’t matter where you come from – success can be yours!

How to be truly happy

Butterfly 70x70

Did you know you can be truly happy, even if you feel dissatisfaction in some areas of your life?

For example, I am truly happy with my life. I have a great job, I have a wonderful family who I love very much, I have a roof over my head, I have food on my table and my outlook for the future is positive.

On the other hand, I want sooo much more! I want my web development business to flourish so I don’t need my “real” job, so I can spend more time with my children. I want to keep improving my knowledge on various subjects and I have a few things I need but cannot yet afford.

I feel that if you stop wanting more, then life becomes meaningless. I’ve mentioned this before that having goals helps to improve self esteem. The problem here is that many people don’t have a clear picture of what it is they want.

If I am describing you, then now is the time to sit down and really work out what it is you want. Why are you here? What is it that you want more than anything else in the world? Have you ever dreamed of accomplishing a particular task, but never had the guts to actually get out there and do it?

Once you know what you want, start to think about how your current actions are helping you move towards that goal. In many cases, your actions could be doing the opposite, so start thinking about how you can change your actions so you start moving in the right direction.

Before long, that goal in the far distance will be at your fingertips!